Men are confused. We are taught early in the game a basic lie. We are taught as little boys that emotions (yes, I'm goanna talk about the "F" word here guys, feelings), are bad and WRONG. We therefore confuse emotions with faults (short-comings if you are a 12-stepper, sins if you are many Christians).

As a man in al-Anon, a 12-step program for people who are being adversely effected by somebody else's drinking, I have listened to men speak during meetings about how hard they are working to overcome such feelings as fear, guilt, and...heaven forbid...ANGER!

‘Ya think that they will ever really eliminate those feelings's...is that gonna happen? Is that even desirable?

Here are some questions to ponder; if feelings are sins, why did God make them a part of us? If we had no feelings, what kind of beings would we be? If anger is a short-coming, then how could the only perfect man who walked the earth (Jesus) show it so obviously and so often?

So here is a way to live with this conundrum. Suppose feelings and emotions are perfectly normal acceptable experiences for men. Suppose feeling them, expressing them, and accepting them for what they are is all OK. Suppose these feelings only cause moral problems when we make the wrong decisions about how to express them or how we allow them to dictate our behavior choices!

Life might be a lot easier for us (as well as for those who have to live with us) if we just gave ourselves permission to be healthy emotional men who acknowledge to ourselves and to others that we have feelings. Heck, we might  even get so "out there" that we are able to admit them out loud to another trusted person (even another man), and then let them go until another one happens along. If I feel honest anger toward another person and I have the nerve to tell him or her so, and if I am ready to deal with whatever reaction that person has to my honest anger we might even engage in some conflict. Wow. Wait a minute...is that a sin too?

And here are the two huge payoffs if I do this:  first,  I form more honest relationships with everybody around me, and second, I don't have to stay "stuck" playing my only feeling over and over again in my imagination. Let me make this so simple that any man can understand it. Guys, ask yourself this question as you finish reading this; how many decades of internal peace have you sacrificed to being mad about something that your Dad did or said when you were only ten years old?

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written by icjsmom319, July 31, 2008

I love what you have to say. If these are your own thoughts, you are veryenlightening. If they are someone elses thoughts, thanx for sharing them.

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