One night while attending an open AA meeting , God spoke to me through an AA member with only a few months of sobriety. Mike, like me, had developed the habit of practicing his 10^th step at night just before going to sleep.

   (For reference, here is the 10th step; We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it).

   He would lay there and go through his day thinking through each incidence where he had been wrong and/or had harmed someone else. He would then acknowledge this to God and to himself, and promise first thing in the morning to make a 10^th step amends to the person wronged, which he did.

   Mike, newcomer or not, had gone one step further than I had with this step. Taking his cue from the word “inventory” in the step and remembering that his very healthy sponsor had insisted during his fourth step inventory that he include the positive aspects of his character as well as the negative, he made the leap from today’s unhealthy habit to tomorrow’s healthy one. He acknowledged to God and to himself each incident during the day when he had successfully aligned his will with that of God. He said that this daily habit kept his real spiritual purpose in front of his mind on a daily basis. The habit made him feel like he was a “co-creator” with God, with God providing the inspirational thought, and him carrying it out.

   Before falling asleep each night, Mike savored and cherished every small seemingly insignificant miracle where God had just “serendipitously” placed him in situations with other people where he was given the opportunity to do God’s will, and he had actually done it!

   I thought of a beautiful lecture I heard once by Brian Tracey, in which he developed the concept that it was impossible to develop integrity by yourself. The 10^th step inventory allows us to participate actively with others in our mutual growth. When I buck up and summon the nerve to approach another man and say something like “…hey, I’m glad I bumped into you here at Wal-Mart.” “Listen, I have to tell you that I am sorry about the other night when I took that cheap shot at you about your hairline.” “I got a laugh from the guys, but it was at your expense, and I’ve felt bad about it ever since.”

   That speaks volumes to the man to whom we are admitting we were wrong. That is like the knight who approaches the other knight in the center of the bridge and holds out his hand in friendship. That is saying, “…hey, I have no concealed weapon, and I trust you enough to leave myself open to you if you choose to take a cheap shot in return.” That also is the real stuff of intimacy. That allows both of you to admit that you have flaws, and that there exists enough trust between you to allow each to be vulnerable in front of the other. That also challenges each of you to change for the better. If you have disciplined yourself to practice the 10^th step, then you tend to think more carefully about your behavior because the embarrassment of making an amends is no fun!

    But what have you done to help him? You have taught him by way of example. You have grown before his very eyes, and you have demonstrated that growth. He has been given the opportunity to be magnanimous, to forgive. How often does that happen in each lifetime? To borrow another quote from Brian Tracey, “…the teaching is in the words but the learning is in the silence.” The man you have blessed with your amends will likely spend some silent time contemplating what happened in that Wal-Mart aisle!

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