People living by the 12-step life-style recognize that our fifth step is one of the most powerful tools for recovery. It reads;
"We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."
Just as a review for you non-steppers, by the time we reach this step we have already admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, made the decision to turn our life and our will over to that power, and meticulously written out a thorough inventory of both our faults and our assets.
I always tell my sponsees who are having trouble starting their fifth step that there must be at least one of the entities in this step that you do not trust yet...either God, yourself, or another human being. Once you figure out which you don't trust and ask God to put that trust back in you, then you can take this step.
But why put forth all of this effort? Well, one key reason is that you will become a free person. Here is a quote taken from an Al-Anon at a meeting I recently atended.
"You will be freed to begin putting more time and energy and thought into becoming the person God had in mind when you were created, because you will stop investing these most valuable of commodities into keeping the secrets of your past."
Another reason is that life will get easier. Try carrying your household garbage around with you for a few days, and that will show you how not-free carrying garbage makes you! Taking a thorough fifth step with a trusted person after your shortcomings have been laid out in writing during an honest fourth step inventory is a way to throw out a bunch of garbage from your past. It takes a huge amount of personal growth and humility to even reach the point where you are capable of considering these two "housecleaning" steps, but once you do them, it is done. Garbage only has to be discarded once, if you really allow God to haul it away in his big green truck!
Lastly, just stop and ponder here how this garbage metaphor holds up with extension...how does garbage smell?
Now, to give you perspective before and during your fifth step, here are 14 ideas and "points to ponder:"
1. Say a prayer FIRST, OUTLOUD TOGETHER when working this step with a sponsee. This let's you both know who is really in charge!
2. If I fear this step it is probably because I do not trust one or more of the three areas in the admitting process - to God, to myself and/or to another person.
3. Humility is the key - admitting to God first and surrendering our will to Him.
4. Arrogance, self justification and resentment can conceal other faults.
5. Ask, how do I react to people in my daily life (self focused, distant, uninterested, not joyful, and needy for approval) and why do I react this way?
6. What situations have power to hurt me?
7. When admitting to another person, talk about how we feel about our faults and how others have responded to what we have said or done. Try to avoid judging of self when doing this.
8. Should self pity be on my list if it is not?
9. I must love myself unconditionally just as God does.
10. I must learn to trust others more.
11. Ask your sponsor time and again towards the end of the experience "...is there anything that we may have missed?"
12. What basic unmet childhood need was operating when we behaved as we did?
13. Let go of the need for perfection and become HUMAN.
14. If I can let my sponsor know me, can't I also do the same with others?
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