After sposoring over 30 men, I have been asked so many times to write out some suggestions that I finally did. Here they are, and I hopr that they help some of you in 12-step programs.
Ken P.
Seven Do's and Don't for Sponsors
1. Don't form an unhealthy enabling relationship. Stay detached. You are modeling healthy behavior here.
2. Don't allow every session to remain in the problem.
3. Don't join the person in blaming or judging others, especially in blaming themselves. Constantly remind them of their "self-talk."
4. Don't make the session about you. This is not the place for your current situation or your past, except for an occasional example.
5. Don't ever reveal confidential information about another person you are sponsoring, even when asked a question like "...how is Joe doing?"
6. Don't allow anybody on "borrow your program." Your time together is no substitute for attending meetings, working the steps, etc.
7. Don't be afraid of long periods of silence.
1. Do set up guidelines about frequency of meetings, each of your availability for phone calls.
2. Do encourage calls to others within the program, especially when you are not available.
3. Do your homework. Read, think, and ask for help with this person's issue elsewhere.
4. Occasionally show up with a reading source. This isn't for every meeting, you are not a teacher or a lecturer, but an occasional "handout" is helpful.
5. Suggest sources outside the program. Counseling, the church, exercise, healthy eating habits, all of these changes in behavior are part of the recovery process.
6. Encourage every person sponsored to become a sponsor!
7. Work yourself out of a job. The friendship can last forever, but it is good to define an ending. The sponsor-sponsored relationship continues only as long as both mutually agree it is working.
Ken P.
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