The Greatest Loss is Personal Freedom

By Ken P.

"So you we want to change the world," says the now old Beatles song.

The original revolutionaries were people like Thomas Paine, the radical ne'er do well who failed everything he tried in England, fled to The Colonies to find his fortune, and was swept up in the cause for liberty. Thomas Paine wrote what proved to be the precursor to the Declaration of Independence in a little pamphlet he called "Common Sense." He personally printed copies of this revolutionary idea that The Colonies should declare their independence from England on a hand-press, then sold 100,000 copies of it on the street, starting with his neighbors for customers! Don't scoff; if you project the 100,000 copies he sold upon today's population relative to the population of the colonies, Thomas Paine would have sold 20,000,000 copies through today's outlets like book stores and Amazon.com!

I am no Thomas Paine, but I can relate to his challenge today as I do try to change the world-even if only by a smidgeon. There are plenty of causes in this world, but for me the diseases of addiction and co-dependency are causing by far the greatest amount of human loss and suffering. Here is why. Each person is only as free as the sum of his or her choices. Addiction steals personal freedom. If a co-dependent alters thoughts, actions, and words, or stuffs real emotions in an effort to appease or gain "peace at any price" with a confrontational addict, then that person is also a victim of the other's addiction. The slavery to the mind-altering agent has crippled the co-dependent as well. So how do you change the world? You change yourself with the help of God through other people in 12-step programs!

God meant for all to have free will, but how capable are we of exercising it? For the addicted person, his or her disease will eventually take all free will. There will be the inability of the addict to stop choosing the hourly destruction of self...the precious self in the forms of consciousness, awareness, sentience, and even thought itself. What could be more precious? Consider such intangibles as memories, knowledge gained, love, and their very presence.

But what about me, the codependent, when I allow the others' addictions to render me less? I too allow a great and awful waste of myself! I sacrifice great hunks of my self esteem, my options in life, even my future. Every gain that I can make on behalf of mankind between the instant the disease compromises me and my last breath has been damaged by the addictive agent used by another. So please ponder the following points, and then go on your own very real journey of recovery:

Point #1. Whether you realize it at the moment or not, the most important relationship you will ever form is your relationship with your God as you are able to understand God. Your understanding of God will deepen with each successive growth step you make by practicing the Al-Anon program.

Point #2. Your next most important relationship is your relationship with yourself. This relationship affects all the other relationships you have, right down to your every daily experiences, like when there is an encounter with another driver for a few seconds. You look into his or her eyes at an intersection and you both decide who will go first. That was, though brief and temporary, a relationship. But, with the tentacles of addiction reaching out to all members of the family, much more important relationships are being damaged. Relationships with spouses, children, parents, siblings, and everybody even remotely associated with the family are harmed by addiction. 

Point #3. Your own special flavor of spirituality will grow through such habits as attending meetings, being sponsored, and reading Al-Anon literature. Such works as One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, and The Courage to Change will provide thoughtful grist on a daily basis. Eventually when you add a daily prayer with your practice of the eleventh step, your spiritual growth will proliferate into every corner of your life.

Point #4. All program work with other people present, such as attending meetings or spending time with your sponsor, is twelfth-step work! That means you will be contributing to the growth of other people as well as yourself, and that, my friend, is when your mundane "just going through the motions" existence will become so rich that you can hardly stand it!

Point #5. Not everything in this earthly existence "works," but the principles suggested here have worked for millions of people in 12-Step programs since Bill W. started AA in the late 1930's. As a very wise lady once said during a meeting "...the program is not a fire extinguisher, and it is not a Band-Aid. It is a way of life that works in the long term." On a personal happiness level, as each of the 12 Promises come true you will just become a happier more effective individual.

This is only an invitation to you. If you want to read the real 12 Promises, I'll ask you to attend a local Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or ACOA meeting instead of including them here. If you do, you may discover what the colonists thought of as valuable enough to give their lives to protect...personal freedom.

Right now, call Al-Anon at 1-888-4AL-ANON or check out www.al-anon.alateen.org.