living for men. We provide our residents with a safe, drug and alcohol free environment where men can experience a positive transition between early recovery and living life clean and sober. Please take a moment to read our brochure or visit our website at  http://www.soberlivingla.net/.
Working together we could impact someone's life and introduce them into their new journey in life. A life free from drugs and alcohol, thus helping them into becoming productive members of society. With the foundation you have provided we can continue to keep the message alive with the aid of a 12 step program. 

our staff are active members of a 12 steps program ranging from 1-30 years of recovery, which are available 24 hours for the residents. And fully understand the needs of the individuals. Please feel free to contact us. We are available 24 hours a day.

thank you for taking a few minutes out of your day to read this letter. 

For more information please contact:

Dino (310) 901-6290     Email: dino_herrera@yahoo.com  

Mary Lou (310) 351-2757    Email:  memories727@yahoo.com

Fax (310) 397-4816

http://www.soberlivingla.net/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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1 Samuel 18:1, 3-4

 

Question; is it possible for men to have real friendships with other men in today's culture? The answer we have learned through years of attending men's Al-Anon meetings is YES! It is not only possible, it is terribly important that we do so.

 

Why? Because there are issues, conflicts, struggles, and worries that men share. These are issues many women have a great deal of difficulty understanding. It is important that men come together in groups...twos, threes, fours, or 25's. In these groups they learn, working within the structure of the 12-steps and the principles of the Al-Anon recovery program, that there are other men who are comfortable enough within themselves to speak openly about topics that the newcomer has not even been able to dredge up into his own consciousness!

 

First, in the example above taken from the Old Testament, the distinction was made that Jonathan was the king's son. That implies that Jonathan was much younger, and therefore probably one of David's contemporaries. They immediately had that in common. Our studies of our own Monday Night Men's Group, which has a roster of over 60 men who have attended meetings regularly over the past 12 months, indicate that there is some validity to this commonality among men within similar age groups. The youngest of our group are always in their early 30's, and usually have fathers who are their "qualifiers." The oldest, in their 70's, usually have son's who are their qualifiers. In the middle, the men from 35-55, usually have a wife who is their qualifier. But the disease of addiction transcends the boundaries created by the classic "generation gap." Regardless of age, we watch in awe as the 70 year-old retired coach with the addicted son relates to the 32-year old sociology teacher with the addicted father!

 

Next, notice what Jonathan willingly gave to David to seal their friendship. First, he gave his robe...his outermost covering. Then he even gave his tunic! Jonathan physically and metaphorically made himself naked in front of David. He said in effect, "I trust you enough to expose myself without modesty to you."

 

I can tell you that witnessing a CEO trying in an open meeting among over 20 men through halting sentences to describe how he felt when he had to go through the sadness, embarrassment and shame of visiting his only son at the county jail last Saturday night was just like that. It was dead quiet in that Community Center meeting room with the shades closed (our group years ago bought the shades and donated them to the center to protect our anonymity). The man finally surrendered to his feelings and wept. The acceptance, caring, and just pure agape love that poured forth from the men who spoke after this scion of industry showed how devastating his son's alcoholism had been to him was palpable.

 

Next, Jonathan handed over his sword, bow, and belt. That meant to me that Jonathan gave up his offense. He handed over all of his protection. He stripped himself of both his means of offense and defense. For a Jewish man of Old Testament times, to surrender these items was the ultimate trust. When our CEO friend wept he removed his front. His pride, his bluster, his manliness, all of that which was so important, to anyone, but especially to a successful corporate man, was surrendered...publicly.

 

There is another quote I want to use now, this one from Proverbs, 27:17.

 

"As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend."

 

Reduced by this disease to your core, you are now "teachable." Letting go of the feelings after genuinely feeling them is only the beginning. Our dear CEO can now attend our meeting for as long as he wishes, trusting and exposing him every week while witnessing other men doing the same thing. Some day he can develop enough trust to approach a man to whom he can relate, and ask him to be his sponsor. The man he approaches may be an auto mechanic, a janitor, or an airline pilot. It makes no difference to either one of them. They are men who have learned to trust other men, and now the mechanic will serve as the iron that sharpens the CEO.

If you can use this kind of support every week, PLEASE...contact Al-Anon and find out where there is a meeting near you. You can locate a meeting at www.al-anon.alateen.org or by calling 1-888-4AL-ANON

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nbsp;  When I received the usual Christmas note this year from Betty, my daughter-in-law, about how "perfect" everything was for their family this past year, and about how nice it was to have a loving family like ours, I had a little tingling at the back of my neck. As I thought and prayed about that tingling, I finally identified the source. I had to ask myself this question; is there a widespread denial system in place in our family about addiction? In other words, are we all "sweeping under the rug" what has become commonly known but not spoken since the latest tragic death we have all experienced due to addiction?

 

   The simple truth is that only a year ago we all came together to attend the funeral and mourn the death of John, our oldest son, and Betty's brother-in-law, from addiction. That reminded us all that we have people in our family who have problems with drugs, alcohol, depression, ADD, eating disorders, nicotine, etc. It also reminded us that addiction can lead to death! Now Carol and I recently learned that now John's younger brother, Tim, Betty's husband, is admitting that his doctor is telling him that his liver is showing signs of alcoholic liver disease. We were told that Tim tried so hard to do what his doctor told him to do. He drank gallons of water every day in an attempt to clear his liver of the poisons, and he even cut back on his drinking! Now with his doctor reporting some improvement, I can tell you, as a recovering alcoholic myself with over twenty years of sobriety, that Tim interpreted that news as "...I am cured, and now I can return to normal drinking"(whatever that is).

 

   Drugs and alcohol have gotten most of my attention during the past twenty years because I have had to work so hard to overcome my own addictions through the 12-Step Programs. Yes, I suffered from ADD as a child back in the days when kids who had trouble focusing were just called lazy. But so much has been learned since those days, and if we really do love each other as much as we say we do in this family, shouldn't we each arm ourselves with as much information as possible about any disease that is harming us?

 

   So how do we help Tim? How do we stop Tim from destroying himself and breaking all of our hearts...again? The tragic truth is this; we can't! I have learned the hard way that there is no human power that can stop an alcoholic from taking the next drink. Tim has wondered out loud to me if he can quit, so how on earth could one of us imagine that we could somehow make him quit? Tim is in the grip of a disease that creates a powerful mental and emotional compulsion to drink alcohol. That compulsion renders him incapable of asking for help. And yet, until he does just that, nothing can be done for him!

 

   This brings us squarely to the question; what can we do? First, we can take care to take care of ourselves. This is a family disease and we each have a piece in it. We can seek help from others who have "been there" through community support groups like AA, Nar-A-Non and Al-Anon. I am leading our family by example, and have learned so much by getting out of Tim's way. I learned this after about two years of attending a men's Al-Anon meeting in our community. I know now that I must allow Tim the dignity of making his own decisions. By learning and growing ourselves we never harm another person. By learning through a program like A-Anon to detach with love we can give Tim a fighting chance to reach his own bottom and then reach out for help. Tim needs a family that is recovering along side him as they cheer him...not a bunch of deniers who continue enabling him while keeping those fake painted smiles on their faces. We need people who give thanks to God every morning that we are still alive, who are big enough to say "but for the grace of God there go I!"

 

   Here are some skills to develop that may help you. These are the combined experience of millions like us who have had to cope with addiction problems in their families.

 

Do's.

 

Do learn the facts about alcoholism.

Do talk to someone who understands alcoholism.

Do go to Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, or an alcoholism center.

Do develop an attitude to match the facts.

D take a personal inventory of yourself.

Do maintain a healthy emotional atmosphere in your home.

Do encourage new activities.

 

 

Don'ts

 

Don't preach or lecture.

Don't argue with a drunk alcoholic.

Don't have a "holier than thou" attitude.

Don't use the "if you loved me" appeal.

Don't make threats you won't carry out.

Don't hide liquor or pour it out.

Don't resent the method of recovery

Don't expect immediate contented sobriety.

Don't try to protect an alcoholic against alcohol.

Don't be discouraged by the mistakes you make.

 

You may change to word alcohol to drug of choice wherever you wish.

 

A parent never knows how a child will finally come out. When I took my own careful inventory as part of my recovery process I had to look at the example I set for my children. I taught them that alcohol relieved perceived stress. I made alcohol the center of all family get-togethers. I demonstrated that we could not enjoy a meal out or a party without alcohol present. That is how I was taught, and I just passed it along to the next generation.

 

   My Dad had terrible depression bouts. He would get so hateful that nobody could stand him. He was never totally incapacitated by his disease, but his moods swings had a great deal to do with all of our fears and inability to cope with reality. Don't get me wrong. I do not blame my Dad for my own derelictions, but I am aware of how far back this disease goes in our family. The insanity that I am trying to stop with this letter is this; we just keep doing the same things generation after generation while hoping that somehow we will get a different result.

 

   Society accepts now that ADD is cause by a mental/chemical imbalance, and some day it is likely to learn the same about alcoholism. People are getting help now for their ADD. Young people throughout our family with ADD are being treated with drugs that help them, and those accepting treatment are becoming excellent students. Until we can do the same with addiction, shouldn't we do everything we can during this generation to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem?

 

   I am through with living in shame for our family warts. I am tired of sweeping these things under the rug as we continue in lock step to destruction. For this year, and for the coming years, let's stop hiding our deficiencies. Let's celebrate that we can now identify them...that we can hold them up to the light and start to correct them! Let's ask God in unison to give us the strength to deal honestly with each other, and to seek help when we need it. We have another member of our family who needs help in 2008, but is not capable of asking for it. Let's not allow another tragedy to happen to another loved-one because we all failed to see the problem while failing to support the solution.

   I love all of you, with my whole heart and soul. I am proud of each of you. You are completely acceptable to me, and to my God, just as you are, but we can all get well. Why don't we get well together...as the family that we are?

 

Dad.

 

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a private party with 1,000 closest friends, drugs, and alcohol - then declare success and rehabilitation from addiction.  This is ludicrous and not the way in which real drug rehabs operate.  I have no doubt that the large majority of these celebrities going into drug rehab have no real interest in staying sober, and that kind of attitude won't bring about recovery in any treatment center.
But for those who believe the actions of the few represent the behaviors of all drug rehab centers, this is simply not true.  With the dedication to get and stay sober, most treatment centers work absolute magic in maintaining sobriety, keeping substances out of the center, and keeping order and structure.  Drug rehab is not a vacation and at the same time, it is not a prison. 
Good drug rehab centers employ means to make sobriety fun with a variety of activities and exercises.  Most drug rehabs are good treatment centers and no amount of money will provide special treatment to give means for relapse and inappropriate behavior.  No level of celebrity can override the rules and regulations of the rehab facility.  No one addict is any more entitled than another, just as no one human is more entitled than another.
It's a shame to me that drug rehabs are getting a bad rap because of  a couple who have bowed to celebrity and money over  the gift and blessing of sobriety and if it were up to me, I would have the licenses of these drug rehabs revoked.  People should not be in this industry unless the number one priority is always helping addicts to heal.
Reocvery is possible with devotion to sobriety and a treatment center who shares the same vision of healing. 

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