People who are wired inside to manipulate have some sort of an agenda with every topic. If you tell them with excitement that you are going to buy a new car tomorrow, they might answer with a subtle reference to the one they drive that is obviously more expensive then the one you are buying. Or maybe they start the conversation feigning an interest in you with a question such as "...how is your business doing?" Then, after you get out only one sentence, they launch into a long sad story about how they were just fired unfairly by a boss who was an ogre. You were set up to become their audience.

   Passing judgment is heavy, whether we are condemning somebody else or ourselves. The internal beating that we give ourselves for who we are is called shame and the internal beating for our behavior is called guilt. Large books have been written on both of these subjects, and none of the authors have anything good to say about either.

   Faith is light, worry is heavy. At one time I rationalized worry about a given topic as "thinking it through." The program has taught me the difference. If I consider many options, reason it out with other trusted people, and then make a decision, that is thinking it through. If I pass the same vexing thoughts around and around tightly in my own head, exaggerate negative outcomes into future catastrophes, and keep my thoughts a secret, then that is worry.

   Let's move from spontaneous laughter to the broader subject...happiness. I once saw a carved sign in a gift shop in Bandera Texas that read

"...if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

If Momma doses herself with a powerful known depressant like alcohol every few hours throughout the day and night for years, ain't nobody happy either! Codependent family members face the almost dauntingly impossible task of proving the wisdom of that sign wrong. For example, I had to learn through recovery that I could laugh out loud while looking into the sullen bloated face of an angry inebriated wife. I had to learn that I could still enjoy hot apple pie with cheese and a strong cup of coffee while she glared at me across the table. These things were not easy, but after investing time and energy in learning detachment I could do it!

LEARN DETACHMENT...BE HAPPY! Get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting. Call 1888-4-AL-ANON or check out www.al-anon.alateen.org