1 Samuel 18:1, 3-4

Question; is it possible for men to have real friendships with other men in today's culture? The answer we have learned through years of attending men's Al-Anon meetings is YES! It is not only possible, it is terribly important that we do so.

Why? Because there are issues, conflicts, struggles, and worries that men share. These are issues many women have a great deal of difficulty understanding. It is important that men come together in groups...twos, threes, fours, or 25's. In these groups they learn, working within the structure of the 12-steps and the principles of the Al-Anon recovery program, that there are other men who are comfortable enough within themselves to speak openly about topics that the newcomer has not even been able to dredge up into his own consciousness!

First, in the example above taken from the Old Testament, the distinction was made that Jonathan was the king's son. That implies that Jonathan was much younger, and therefore probably one of David's contemporaries. They immediately had that in common. Our studies of our own Monday Night Men's Group, which has a roster of over 60 men who have attended meetings regularly over the past 12 months, indicate that there is some validity to this commonality among men within similar age groups. The youngest of our group are always in their early 30's, and usually have fathers who are their "qualifiers." The oldest, in their 70's, usually have son's who are their qualifiers. In the middle, the men from 35-55, usually have a wife who is their qualifier. But the disease of addiction transcends the boundaries created by the classic "generation gap." Regardless of age, we watch in awe as the 70 year-old retired coach with the addicted son relates to the 32-year old sociology teacher with the addicted father!

Next, notice what Jonathan willingly gave to David to seal their friendship. First, he gave his robe...his outermost covering. Then he even gave his tunic! Jonathan physically and metaphorically made himself naked in front of David. He said in effect, "I trust you enough to expose myself without modesty to you."

I can tell you that witnessing a CEO trying in an open meeting among over 20 men through halting sentences to describe how he felt when he had to go through the sadness, embarrassment and shame of visiting his only son at the county jail last Saturday night was just like that. It was dead quiet in that Community Center meeting room with the shades closed (our group years ago bought the shades and donated them to the center to protect our anonymity). The man finally surrendered to his feelings and wept. The acceptance, caring, and just pure agape love that poured forth from the men who spoke after this scion of industry showed how devastating his son's alcoholism had been to him was palpable.

Next, Jonathan handed over his sword, bow, and belt. That meant to me that Jonathan gave up his offense. He handed over all of his protection. He stripped himself of both his means of offense and defense. For a Jewish man of Old Testament times, to surrender these items was the ultimate trust. When our CEO friend wept he removed his front. His pride, his bluster, his manliness, all of that which was so important, to anyone, but especially to a successful corporate man, was surrendered...publicly.

There is another quote I want to use now, this one from Proverbs, 27:17.

"As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend."

Reduced by this disease to your core, you are now "teachable." Letting go of the feelings after genuinely feeling them is only the beginning. Our dear CEO can now attend our meeting for as long as he wishes, trusting and exposing him every week while witnessing other men doing the same thing. Some day he can develop enough trust to approach a man to whom he can relate, and ask him to be his sponsor. The man he approaches may be an auto mechanic, a janitor, or an airline pilot. It makes no difference to either one of them. They are men who have learned to trust other men, and now the mechanic will serve as the iron that sharpens the CEO.

If you can use this kind of support every week, PLEASE...contact Al-Anon and find out where there is a meeting near you. You can locate a meeting at www.al-anon.alateen.org or by calling 1-888-4AL-ANON