I've never been to a NARANON meeting mostly because of fear that I would go and somehow be talked out of staying with my fiance (at the time). I'd heard all kinds of negative things about these meetings and that it's all about families and spouses complaining and hating life because of the addict in their lives. Although over time, I have met several people involved in NARANON and ALANON who have been the complete opposite of what I'd heard, I still haven't been to a meeting. Granted, my fiance (husband now) has been sober for quite some time and I thankfully haven't had to deal with the stresses and pressures of feeling like I was going crazy living with an active addict, but of course I still remember. And when I do revisit this ugly memory, it bothers me to some pretty bad nightmares sometimes. I have been doing a good job (I think) with remaining very supportive of my husband, never ever blaming him for relapses, and trying to do all I can to maintain a healthy, safe environment showing him daily that I trust him and don't hold the past against him. I guess my question is whether or not this periodic darkness will ever go away, or do I have to learn to live with it, or go to meetings specifically for this purpose? I've been maintaining and it's really not so bad at all, but I guess I'm kind of ready to literally put it all behind me. Is that possible?

I also have resisted going to a Naranon meeting but for different reasons. I too married the sober addict after he was clean for five years. He relapsed almost six years ago. I didn't even realize it for the first three years. I've been told once an addict, always an addict. It happened so subtly and I was uneducated as to what the signs and symptoms of using even were.Educate yourself and keep your eyes open.You do not want to walk a mile in my shoes. I pray you are blessed and he never relapses but if I had ii do do over again I would played my hand differently. What was your husband addicted to?

My husband was originally addicted to opiates after three knee surgeries, but he is also addicted to benzodiazepines. I too was amazingly uneducated on addiction and the signs and symptoms. I'd never even heard of benzodiazepines before I met him and although the relapses have been a nightmare, I'm glad I went through it. My husband is the most amazing person alive when he's sober and even with the addiction, I have leaned so much about drugs, relapses, and the disease of addiction. I'm thankful for the opportunity to have learned the things I have about benzodiazepines and other prescription meds, OTC meds, alcohol, and other drugs. If I had it to do all over again, I would without a second thought.
No matter the hardships, the beauty, love, and compassion I have found in my relationship with my husband is worth it a thousand times over.
I just wish I could completely forget about the "bad times" - but maybe remembering those times is one of the things that helps both of us to appreciate all the good sober times we have now and ensure that we never take them for granted.

LoveMyMinPins, You are truly blessed. First off because it sounds like your husband wants to be drug free and secondly because he is being honest with you. I'm very happy for you. My husband started with drugs at age 15 and there isn't any he hasn't tried. he loves them all and doesn't wish to stop. Good luck to you.

Yes, I am blessed...and thank you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband - but I guess therein lies the nature of the beast. I've been with my husband when drugs were more important to him. Thankfully, he finally decided that he had something to live for and I'm so grateful he did. You hang in there, though. I wish you all the best and all the love and happiness your heart can hold.
Thank you for your kind words

God Bless both of you and your new bundle of joy. What you two have done here, creating this site, is nothing short of a miracle. I for one am grateful beyond words. I can only hope all the people coming here and reading these posts become comfortable enough to talk and post, like i did. This is THE largest informational site for all addictions and the advise received here is 100% accurate and unbiased. The owner of this site is not affiliated with any rehab facility but has 100's of hours familiarizing himself with the facilities available.

I could not agree more! Because of Bernie and his generosity, trust, and just hard work I have been able to grow through communication with others on a scale so far beyond anything I could have imagined!

Our book is already a success, whether Thomas Nelson publishes it or not, because it has met our original goals...to bring codependent men out of denial, to relay the message of recovery, and to grow as men.

Thank you, Bernie, and thank you Karima. You are both doing God's work on so many levels.

Ken P.