I know how you feel. In my time I was too chicken to pull the trigger of my 38 revolver and too chicken to cut the main artery on my wrist. I drew blood but no artery. You know what I mean. I don't want to ever forget those feelings of not wanting to deal with anything outside of smoking the glass pipe and staying in my room for days until it finished. I learned that those times need to be shared with someone else who might be struggling. I didn't know that my world of hurt meant it would help someone else. I didn't know my pain was my best asset to be used for my sobriety. Who would have figured someone like me would ever stay sober just because I shared my honest feelings with another alcoholic or drug addict? The funny thing that happens when I share with another addict or alcoholic is I get away from the want or need to do the very drugs that got my head in trouble in the first place! My head is really out to get me. The "I" in me wants to go out and buy a glass pipe and a little rock. For a long time "I" said, "Just one more time". "I" ran with that for ten years. And it took me to the gutter and the gates of hell or insanity. And I loved it so much to the point I would say "Hell aint so bad" and "I can deal with it". Now its not an "I" thing anymore. Its a "We" thing now. I choose to be part of a group of people who know exactly how I feel and have had the "monkey on their back" too. I feel comfortable with these misfits. I call them mifits sarcastically and I am one of them. I am one of those who fell through the cracks who never dreamed he would be a productive member of society. I never thought my kids would love me again. I abandoned them when they were small. I don't deserve their love. But my Higher Power, in all his infinite wisdom, has seen fit to award me of their love. Or at least 3 out of 4 of my kids. The last one is holding out and that is okay today. I hope one day she will be able to forgive me for not being their. I have come this far and with the unconditional love coming from my 12-step group, I hope thiongs can change for the better in me that will allow my daughter to love her father again. I don't want to give up on that, but I can't say that I won't give up. The hope is that I won't give up. Its kind of the same way you hope not to give up on staying away from the meth. and if you're like me, IT AINT EASY!! Later!

I really admire both of you for your honesty and describing how hard it is to break the hold meth has(d) over you both. I imagine it is the same fighting all addictions. You both are great writers and really portray your feelings so well I can feel them also. You give hope to those who want to quit by showing them it can be done. Thank you.

I hope my experience, strength and hope can help someone.

You both serve as prof that meth addiction can be licked. That in itself will prove to others that it can be done. If you save even one person from the gates of hell you can say it was a job well done but I think your experiences and honesty will turn more than one life around and give hope to families and friends that it's never too late.