I started using meth when I was 16 yrs old. I was just a weekend user, I moved to Sacramento, CA when I was 21. Let me tell you, finding meth in Sacramento is as easy as finding shells at the beach. It was cheap, clean, and powerful. Sometimes I would stay up for 8 - 10 days in a row, then I would eat and sleep for 2 days and do it all over again.

Exactly one year after being clean, I suffered a heart-attack and had surgery. Having heart problems at the young age of 37 is enough to scare anyone straight! I am happy to say that I have been clean now since Feb 2006.

That is absolutely awesome you have stopped using. I've heard meth is a real tough one to quit so congratulations to you and I hope you never use again. Thank God for modern medicine that has saved your life. Someone has something real special for you to do with your life and I'll be waiting to hear what it is.

It hasn't been easy though. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of using!

As time passes the memories will fade as you replace them with better ones. A sunset, a special person and just the beauty of a sunset. Smelling the flowers and the sun on your face. Please, never give up or give in, you won't regret it.

teckikat wrote:

QUOTE:
As time passes the memories will fade as you replace them with better ones.

True, in a sense, as a lot of time will need to pass. I do not want to let the memories fade though, as they in turn will help another addict overcome their addiction.
My motto is don't learn from your mistakes - learn from mine.

I use to say the same thing. I always thought about "just one more time". Back then, I felt there was no God and nobody was going to tell me what I could do or not do, with the exception of being locked up. I use to think I only had an alcohol problem. Meth turned me into a pussycat. I use to beat the wife on booze but never on meth or crack. That's why I say it made me a pussycat. I always tweeked on one thing or another and made a lot of friends that way. There was a time I thought everyone did it becuase that was my only surroundings. It flowed pretty easy down here in So. Cal too! When I quit everything, I left a big rock to my cousin. I couldn't flush it and if I found any today, I probably wouldn't flush it down the toilet either. I'd probably give it to someone still using. See, I'm still broken and I really think I will not ever be fixed on some issues of my past. I loved the "shit" too much and still do. I will love it till the day I die. But I don't act on it anymore because I found a God of my understanding that helps me out BIGTIME. I learned it is Him that is stopping me and certainly not me. The minute I give myself credit I start to manipulate the situation. I will manipulate the situation so much that I will begin to put myself on a higher pedestal than God and then I am back in trouble again. But I learned to never say never either. Because I frequent the 12 step programs, things of my past slowly get fixed, some even when I don't know it. I'm probably not making any sense, but it makes sense to me and that is what counts today. The glory of it all is that this message is helping me! I use to say all this "sobriety" or "slow-briety" stuff is some pretty wierd shit. It has allowed me to become a working member of society again. Sobriety has allowed me to go back to school at the age of 29. It has also allowed me to get back into my trade after 6 1/2 years of "working the streets". That's a long time to be out there doing nothing. I am sure I will probably have some bad medical conditions in the near future so I am just going to enjoy this ride until it is time to checkout. My goal is to never give up, but I am still "broken" remember? LOL That just means I am not perfect so I don't have a clue how I will be, but I have to have a little humor about it and that really helps me to cope today.

I applaud your words Andy. It warms my heart that you have found a new healthy way to live life. You will not regret it. I have found that life has it's own natural highs and rewards. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I pray someone else reading your words might reach out and take the step in the right direction.

I hear you brother, I hated the fact that years ago I could not get out of bed unless I had a big bag! Now that I look back on all the crazy crap that went with my addiction, I am really surprised I am alive today.

I know I share this with a lot of other "12-steppers" and that is, the feeling of living on borrowed time. I don't speak for the rest of them but I here it a lot. I have shared that many many times. There is still a part of me that says I don't deserve the kind of life I have right now. And the other part of me is so grateful to have what I have. Monetarily, I don't have much. The IRS makes sure of that one!! I am hoping by 2010 I will be free and clear from paying back the "wreckage of my past". The old me would have ran from the money problems, but the new me says I have to fix it and move on. This is difficult. Sharining these honest feelings is my greatest asset because I am allowed to walk through the big stuff today as a result of taking care of the small stuff. The small stuff being following the 12 steps. I do not follow the 12 steps perfectly, but I guess I have followed them enough to stay sober and content regarding what I have today inside me regardless of my health or wealth. One of the main things I have is 3 out of my 4 kids are back in my life today and their Dad knows he loves them.

I hear that!! My kids are the reason that I am alive and sober today. But to be honest, some days the cravings are so bad, I wish that I were dead.