I'm not sure where this should go so I hope it can be moved if this isn't the right place.I was raised by two alcoholics. My mother was a fall down drunk. As a child we four kids sat at the kitchen table, hungry and waiting to be fed. My mother would be guzzling a bottle of beer and falling down as we watched in silence. She was in and out of every mental health unit in the city at least twice to no avail. She would disappear on benders for indefinite periods of time. To me, I thought it was months. I recall crying myself to sleep at night thinking I'd never see my mommy again. I remember my father beating her with a board because she wet the bed and then throwing her down the stairs as I cried silently in my bed. Pops drank two cases of beer a week and he was a pleasant drunk. In fact we liked him better the more he had on board. We were all afraid of him although he never laid a hand on me. We didn't think he had a drinking problem until we grew up and learned the facts of life.My mother finally moved out when I was 12. By then my older sister had been committed to the State Hospital because she was incorrigible. For the next 12 years I was the only one who had contact with my mother.So I became the woman of the house, cooking, cleaning and taking care of my 9 year old brother. I was just happy my dad wasn't beating on mom any more. Year later my older brother left home to live with an aunt.My mother woke up in the hospital at age 49 not remembering what happened or how she got there. She decided that was it, she was no longer going to drink. She went to one AA meeting and said nuts to that. She never drank again for the last 25 years of her life. I tried a drink or two at different times in my youth and said, "Nuts to that". I had a child and raised her, not drinking. She has a masters degree and is drug free. My younger brother drank after work like my father did until he started suffering bad headaches a few years ago and he quit. My older brother has an occasional glass of wine, I think I've seen him drink four times. He put four children thru college. My sister, may she rest in peace lived by the bottle and last night she died by the bottle. Leaving two drug addict sons with FAS and an alcoholic daughter. Let not the sins of the parents be passed on to another generation. I could have been an alcoholic or drug addict.
I just didn't want to be. I did not want my child growing up with the horror I grew up with.But being the child of alcoholics have caused me to marry and divorce four times because I was accustomed to drinking as being the norm. Why should I expect more? Well, it's taken me 54 years to figure it out that I indeed do deserve more. I do not have to accept drinking and drugs by others in my life and I will no more.

Thank you for sharing your story. I lost a daughter to cocaine addiction on Christmas eve 2005 and so experienced the worst possible outcome of this disease for a parent. Fortunately I have been attending Al-Non and Nar-Anon 12 step meetings for over 5 years and the spiritual growth I experienced helped tremendously in dealing with this devastation.
Through these 12 step programs I learned and have accepted in my heart that she had a disease she did choose to have. Once I gained this acceptance, I was able to love my daughter and hate the disease at the same time. This gave me a great deal of freedom and peace because I finally realized I was absolutely powerless to stop her addiction and all its consequences. Slowly I began to work on my own issues and behaviors rather than everyone else's.
I know that Al-Anon and Nar-Non provide a way out of the chaos, frustration, pain and anger which results from living with this disease. It is working for me and I have seen miraculous changes in others in a very short time.

Thank you Bob, you speak wise words as I have another addict , crack actually that I 'm also dealing with and I sure could use some advise.

Dear Thestain,

Your story is almost overwhelming, like the co-diseases of addiction and codependency. Like Bob T., I have many years in Al-Anon, and that has made all of the difference. You are a child of God who has a great deal to offer to many others. Since nothing happens by accident, there has been purpose in all of the chaos that has happened to you. My guess as a fellow traveler and a brother is that you are very soon going to be bringing in a fantastic harvest. Only those so pruned bear that kind of fruit.

Are you sponsoring anybody? I have been blessed beyond any measure by those with whom I have worked as a sponsor. Every one of the 12 promises from The Big Book have come true for me...a beautiful loving wife, five kids, three of whom have been or are in recovery, all clean and sober.

I pray now here as I write this that you will begin sharing some of that insight that you have with another who is in pain!

Ken P.

I don't have answers to all of these issues, and as an Al-Anon who does his best to practice his program, would never give advice.

As a trusted servant, I will share some of my strength and hope...you never hurt another person when working on yourself.

This is all phase IV stuff...the diseases of codependency and addiction throughout a family. Get all of the help you can from the recovery community...it is THERE!

Ken