I will flesh out my description of the disease process as it relates to childhood with some concepts long accepted now among program people about the roles typically played by children in alcoholic homes. This section is to describe predictable roles of children in addictive homes, and I include it here with the certainty that many readers will have that "...been there, done that" experience!
The roles are:
The class clown draws attention away from the pain and dysfunction at home by entertaining others. This child is "cute." He or she is always truly immature, but plays up the immaturity to draw attention away from the big people who are the dangerous dysfunctional addicts. Inside this child is filled mostly with insecurity.
The disappearing child adopts other families and stays away from the fray at home, or disappears into his or her room and does solitary activities such as building models. This child is an extreme introvert. He or she is quiet and withdrawn, always avoiding social interaction. The favorite escape for this child is withdrawal into a fantasy world.
The scapegoat child acts out, gets into trouble, and gains attention while deflecting attention away from the addicted parents. This child is constantly in trouble. There is open defiance of authority, with anger the favorite escape. This child is most likely to sport an outrageous personal appearance utilizing whatever is currently "in," At the beginning of the 21st century this is typically various body piercing, tattoos, the so-called "gothic" look, or maybe brightly colored spiked hair.
The hero child is the child who fantasizes that if he or she accomplishes enough, then the whole family will be "OK." This child is overly conscientious, conforms to all rules from authority, and constantly strives for approval. In spite of being a high achiever, the hero child always feels inadequate.
The Super enabler is the child usually closest to the addict emotionally. This child is the family "workhorse." Typically, if a daughter, this child assumes the household chores left undone by both the addict and the codependent. If a son, this child is constantly trying to protect his mother if the addict is his father. Inside he or she typically has low self-esteem, and there is much unexpressed anger. The favorite fantasy and role is that of the martyr, and this child is the one most likely to be presented to members of the medical profession because another favorite attention-getting device for the super enabler is hypochondria.
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written by findhelp, October 23, 2007
written by jknadpost03, May 30, 2008
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