Our Guest Bloger today is Kelly Miller. Kelly's specialty as a counselor is helping parents who are having to deal with teenage alcohol and drug abuse.

 

RELAPSE AMONG TEENAGERS

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Were You A “Disappearing Child?”

                  

                 The processes of addiction and codependency begin with the roles typically played by children in dysfunctional homes where addicts and codependent receive their “training.” One of the roles assumed by children in such homes is that of the “disappearing child.”

    To avoid the pain of the chaos and conflict in the living room, which seems to be where most of the drama occurs, the disappearing child finds predictable ways of escaping.   One way is to adopt another family altogether. This is often another family on the same block where the child has formed a trusting friendship with a playmate and that playmate’s family has created a welcoming safe home. Throughout childhood this home is where the disappearing child heads right after school after checking in with Mom, Dad, or an older sibling. Here is where the disappearing child ‘hangs out’, where snack foods, and meals, TV, easy banter, and acceptance are always available in endless supply. The disadvantage, or possible advantage, of this escape is the loss of closeness with others in the nuclear family. The advantage, besides avoiding dysfunction, may be life-long friendships formed and maintained with these really special neighbors, unless of course the process is interrupted by a family crisis or constant moves by the nuclear family. This phenomenon of constantly relocating is called the “the geographical cure.” 

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            In April of 2010 The Hallmark Hall of Fame aired a truly pivotal movie titled “When Love Is Not Enough,” The Lois Wilson Story. This was a screenplay adapted from the book The Lois Wilson Story written by William G. Bochert .  For the first time a major production company put to the screen a realistic picture of what a family member experiences while trying to survive alcoholism in a loved one.  Here the world saw an outline of the life story of Lois Wilson, the wife of Bill Wilson, the founder of AA. More importantly, however, from the point of view we family members, it depicted the life story of the person who almost accidently formed the first 12-step program for the family members of alcoholics, Al-Anon.

            In this movie, while the opening credits are still on the screen, Winona Ryder, the actress who plays Lois is doing “voice over” and literally describing the people for whom this blog is written. In this dialogue she points out that every alcoholic impacts at least four others, and then she names six others other than herself whose lives were deeply scarred by Bill’s drinking:  her mother, her father, her younger brother, another married couple with whom both Lois and Bill were close, and Eppy Thatcher, the now famous close friend of Bill’s who himself had the disease. I rest my case.

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WHO AND WHAT IS MYTHERAPYJOURNAL.COM ??? I would like to invite your patients and you to use MyTherapyJournal.com, the only therapy-oriented online journaling tool. You should consider this online service, as we continue to sign up new treatment centers who are providing this innovative service to their patients. I would like to share how the scientific proven benefits of journaling can be a great benefit to set you apart from other treatment centers, as well a provide an impactful tool to your patients/clients. PLEASE TAKE A TOUR AT: www.mytherapyjournal.com/take_a_tour 3 key benefits for patients: 1. My Journal Entries - Patients create their personal Journal and start writing daily feelings, thoughts, dreams and hopes in a customized and password-protected journal. 2. My Progress Questions and Progress Graph - Patients visualize their progress with a user-friendly, personalized graph and start tracking their journey. Patients select from pre-set progress questions relating to distinctive categories or simply create their own in collaboration with the therapist in less than 5 minutes. 3. Affordable and secure online service based on the principles of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is revolutionizing therapy via the online medium. Awards to date: To date, MyTherapyJournal has won several entrepreneurial competitions and articles have been published in Forbes, Daily Business Review, Psychology Today, CNN, Miami Herald, and more. Additionally, the American Psychological Association (APA) gave permission for MyTherapyJournal to launch at their prestigious annual conference back in 2007. Members to date: Today, MyTherapyJournal counts over 2,500 members including therapists, clinics, treatment centers, soldiers, health organizations, and individuals seeking self-help. To name a few clients, MyTherapyJournal is the exclusive provider of online journaling for the Williamsville Wellness Center, non-gambler.com, among others. 3 distinctive ways to buy memberships: 1) Treatment Centers: You can provide the patient/client with a membership upon arrival. Upon completion of program patient/client has the option to extend membership at their own expense. Clinicians have been using this tool for keeping track of matters related to their sessions with patients as well. 2) Individual Membership purchased by Therapist for Patient/Client: You can buy individual memberships for patients/clients. You can offer this service as part of your consultancy fees and treatment costs. This option allows you to create a username and password for your patient/client and thus have full access. It also allows you to be able to use our tool during sessions from your own office. For some lower functioning clients or for people of lesser means, this would ensure that the value of our services would ensue. 3) Individual Membership purchased by Patient/Client: You can recommend to a patient/client to buy an individual membership on their own at standard membership pricing starting as low as $7.95 per month - At this point, a patient/client has the option to provide you with full access to their information or not. The patient/client can grant you full access by simply sharing his or her username and password with you, at which point you will be able to view and change anything you want (e.g. create a new category for the patient/client to track). Why Journal? The Science of Journaling Over the last 20 years, the journal has been empirically shown to make therapy more effective and to diminish symptoms of depression, anxiety, panic, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress, and many other disorders, even for those who aren't seeing a mental health practitioner. Likewise, its demonstrated benefits include better physical health (i.e. blood pressure, immune functioning) and an overall improved mood. Why is My Therapy Journal .com the #1 Source for Online Journaling? MTJ is the first-ever, therapy-oriented online journaling tool. It provides the most private and secure venue available for both individuals and organizations who wish to not only journal, but also track progress of personally set goals using graphing software based on cognitive behavioral therapy. It presents you a journal that talks back and promises to aid anyone desiring to grow. What Are The Benefits of Journaling?: Journaling has been scientifically proven to provide a host of health benefits including: decreasing the symptoms of asthma, arthritis, and other health conditions; improving cognitive functioning; strengthening the immune system, preventing a host of illnesses; counteracting many of the negative effects of stress. Furthermore, anyone who journals will tell you that it "just feels good." I'll bet you write (or word process) daily. Journaling (or keeping letters or diaries) is an ancient tradition, one that dates back to at least 10th century Japan. Successful people throughout history have kept journals. Presidents have maintained them for posterity; other famous figures for their own purposes. Oscar Wilde, 19th century playwright, said: "I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train." Who is Using Our Online Journaling and Progress Graph Tool? MTJ Is For... HEALTH PROVIDERS: Treatment Centers = Some of these include university and college psychological centers of both large and small institutions. Centers dedicated to specific populations such as people with HIV+ and AIDS, people with disabilities, LGTBQ individuals, survivors of trauma or abuse, and/or members of AA, NA, Al-Anon, Alateen, etc. Hospitals and Health Clinics = Some of these include clinics for people recovering from an addiction such as heroine, alcohol, gambling, sex, or even overspending. Hospital departments dealing with everything from trauma, chronic illness, and chronic pain to treatment adherence, post-operation recovery, and grief due to loss of a loved one. Insurance Organizations = Insurance companies utilize our tool as part of health packages. These sometimes accompany treatment with mental health or medical professionals, and sometimes they don't. It also helps clients keep track of how effective different treatments have been over a long period of time. Mental Health Providers = Both the journaling and progress tracking components of MTJ are invaluable tools for mental health providers. It not only allows for the provider to have observable results of the treatment at hand, but it also allows the treatment to remain ongoing through the week, even in the provider's absence. Psychodynamically-oriented therapists use MTJ for the journaling component of it whereas CBT-oriented therapists use it for the progress tracking graph. Psychiatrists use it to help clients track symptoms and how certain medications might be affection these. Life coaches appear to utilize both the journaling and graphing components with their clients. Family and couple therapists also do this, and find themselves tailoring the graphing questions so that all members in the family track the same behavior and/or emotion simultaneously. Military = The number of American and Canadian troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan is enormous, and the population of them with PTSD is as well. Both the journaling's ability to allow for clients to create chronological narratives of their experience and the emotions associated with them, and the progress graph's ability to have them observe themselves objectively, prove to be invaluable components of treatment and re-adjustment into civilian life. Health Research Institutions = Pharmaceutical companies aiming at having their medications tested by human participants use MTJ as a simple, and cost-effective way of tracking the results of their medication on any target symptom or population. Data is collected by each participant's self-report and is delivered already graphed and mapped out chronologically. Participants also use the other benefits of MTJ and feel empowered by their ability to track their own reactions to the new medication. INDIVIDUALS: One group of people who are using MTJ are individuals who simply love journaling and having their journals communicate with them. Adolescents, college students, stay-home parents, young professionals, insightful adults, and techno-savvy grandparents. Basically, anyone who is self-curious, who feels relief in expressing themselves through writing, and/or who enjoys seeing concrete evidence of their progress via our Progress Graph. Another group of people are those undergoing painful, confusing, difficult, and/or daunting times in their lives. It also for people living with the reality of having emotional, physical, mental, and/or cognitive difficulties. This is everyone who suffers from depression, anxiety, panic, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress, obsessive-compulsions, mania, panic, and/or who has symptoms of any mental disorder. Some of these individuals are receiving some service from a mental health provider, and some are not. For some people, MTJ compliments their work with a professional, and for others, seeking professional help is something they are not at all interested in. Finally, another group of individuals are those who fall in both the above groups, in some way or another. We believe most of our clients are in this third group. Life is usually ever-changing, and our states of being are too. Anyone who is uncomfortable with the idea that a written journal might be ever found by their parents, siblings, housemates, roommates, boyfriend/girlfriend, colleges or strangers. About the Team: Alexis Saccoman - Chief Psychology Consultant and Co-founder A graduate of Brown University, Alexis is a clinical psychology trainee pursuing a doctorate in clinical psychology (Psy.D.) at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco. Alexis has a Masters degree in clinical psychology and holds a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through his professional and volunteer activities, he has clinical and hospital experience working with groups including adolescents and geriatric inpatients, children with pervasive developmental disorders, HIV+ terminal patients, first-year college students, and families. He has also served as a trilingual medical interpreter and court mediator. He is currently in practicum with a caseload of ten clients (ages 18-50) - all endorsing Axis I diagnoses - of diverse ethnic, S.E.S., and LGTB backgrounds. With his dual passion for psychology and facilitating people's potential for growth, he especially enjoys his role as a mentor to younger generations. Rodolfo Saccoman - CEO and Co-founder A graduate of the Cornell University School of Hotel Administration, with an MBA degree from University of Miami. Rodolfo has dedicated his career at understanding people's dreams and developing proven online presences to embrace user's needs and wants. Like his brother Alexis, he has lived in five countries and developed a keen appreciation and respect for different cultures and human kind's search for peace and compassion. Both brothers recognize the importance and potential of communication in helping people attain their goals and live happier lives. Noel Elman - Chief Scientist and Co-founder Currently pursuing post-doctoral studies at MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology), Noel earned a Bachelor of Science and Master's of Science in electrical engineering at Cornell University and has a Ph.D. from Tel Aviv University. His research focuses on the development of implantable Bio-MOEMS (Biological and Micro-Opto-Electro-Mechanical-Systems) devices for drug-delivery systems and cancer monitoring. A scientist, he is also a fervent believer in exploring your inner-self to achieve well-being. I CAN OFFER YOU SPECIALS BESIDES WHAT IS ON THE WEBSITE! ASK ME HOW!?! For any and all questions please contact me at: Tim Nicola Sales Manager MyTherapyJournal.com Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Direct: 561-860-3073

SURRENDER VERSUS COMPLIANCE IN CODEPENDENT MEN By Ken P. Dr. Harry M. Tiebout was a fascinating character who became a devout believer in AA, even though he didn't suffer from alcoholism himself. He was the first psychiatrist to put his stamp of approval on the A.A. Twelve-Step program of treating alcoholism, and he had nothing but praise for the Twelve Steps as a treatment program for alcoholism. Dr. Tiebout eventually became chairman of the National Council on Alcoholism (which later morphed into the NCADD) in 1950, and served on the Board of Trustees for Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. from 1957 to 1966. Dr. Tiebout was also Bill Wilson's psychiatrist. He treated Bill for many years. Here are some interesting thoughts about the importance total surrender from Dr. Tiebout that he wrote while describing an alcoholic. After you read these, I will address the same issue…from the standpoint of the enabling codependent! Surrender Versus Compliance In Therapy With Special Reference to Alcoholism. “Since becoming a sideline observer of Alcoholics Anonymous in 1939, my approach to alcoholism has undergone an almost total reorientation. For the first time I saw what peace of mind means in the achievement of sobriety and I began to consider factors involved from a very different viewpoint. In A.A. meetings the role of resentments was a recurring theme. This seemed significant. Continuing this line of observation, I found that another enemy of sobriety was defiance….” “Another significant emphasis in A.A. was humility and “hitting bottom,” completely new points of emphasis for me. It was clear that if the individual remained stiff-necked he would continue to drink, but I could not see why. Finally the presence of an apparently unconquerable ego became evident. It was this ego which had to become humble. Then the role of hitting bottom, which means reaching a feeling of personal helplessness, began to be clear. It was this process that produced in the ego awareness of vulnerability, initiating the positive phase. In hitting bottom the ego becomes tractable and is ready for humility. The conversion process has started.” Dr. Tiebout’s writings are considered by many to be classics in the history of recovery by program people, and these concepts that he wrote so many years ago have become easily accepted truths for those suffering from the disease of addiction. However, how do these same concepts apply to the primary enabler who is suffering from the now well-documented disease of codependency? Do we codependents not experience peace of mind only after we achieve our own mental and emotional sobriety? Is there any question that our peace is destroyed also by our holding on to resentments, precisely as it is for the alcoholic? And by the way, how many of us serving as sponsors for fellow-Al-Anons have not been frustrated when those we are trying so hard to help another while he or she clings to their own devices without surrender (as in what Dr. Tiebou labels as defiance)? Through the years I have sponsored over 30 men who suffered codependency through the Al-Anon program. One common characteristic I have observed is a strong tendency to self-sufficiency in these men. For example, I have NEVER sponsored a man who worked closely as part of any team or crew of other men in their profession. These men were private health-care givers (physicians, pharmacists, etc.), airline pilots, CEO’s, architects, salesmen, clergymen, and every manor of private business owner. Couple their careers with their roles as men, as reinforced throughout their lives by our society (as well as fiction), and you have an individual who his is about as stiff necked as anybody could imagine! Could it be that Dr. Tiebou has done it again? Could it be that he as given us a brilliant treatise that describes why we men have become so capable and so willing to run interference for our addicted wives, daughters, mothers, sons, and even sometimes our addicted bosses? If this makes sense to you and you are either one of these men (ore trying to help a man who has this intractable problem), there is help through the Al-Anon program. Just call 1-800-4AL-ANON or access the web site www.al-anon.alateen.org.

by Ken P., co-author of the new book We Codependent Men-We Mute Coyotes, copyright 2011, Recovery Trade Publications

Powerlessness is Being Forced Upon the American Public. by Ken P. We 12-steppers have long ago recognized and accepted our powerlessness over "...people, places and things." But my guess is that the current economic situation is bringing the general public to the same conclusion, only from a different direction. Actually, there are some profound dimilarities between what has become "the botom" for the alcoholic/addict, and the botom for the public. Both bottoms came about because of an out-of-control addiction! Addiction is obvious when it is to a substance ingested, but it is not so obvious when it is to something as deceptively non-invasive as debt and credit. We all know that job losses, marital discord, and physical illness are typical "bottoms" reached in families sufferring from the twin diseases of addiction and codependency. Addiction to debt and credit can come to the same outcomes. Also,economic insecurity is a catalyst that facilitates people reaching their bottoms at a higher rate. Sociologists tell us that during times of economic deprivation the rate of alcohol and drug addiction actually INCREASES. Along these lines, I have noticed an upturn in attendance at established Al-Anon and AA meetings of late, with more open discussion meeting time being devoted to fear of economic insecurity. However, private treatment centers are experiencing deep financial crisis. Many are simply closing their doors. This makes me opine that people seeking help will be discovering free public meetings at greater frequency as household budgets tighten. Maybe we need some 12-step programs for individuals addicted to debt and credit. If you are reading this, and you have this addiction, you might seriously consider starting such a program. In the meantime, if your situation is exacerbated by better known addiction-processes such as addiction to alcohol or codependency, then there is help available right now. So, if you are reading this blog for the first time and are unfamiliar with 12-step programs, please, allow me to encourage you to call the numbers below and/or access the websites for the various 12-step programs. They are easier than ever to find now, plentiful, and FREE! Al-Anon, for families of alcoholics, is at 1-888-4-AL-ANON, or just check out www.al-anon.alateen.org.

by Ken P., co-author of the new book We Codependent Men-We Mute Coyotes, copyright 2011, Recovery Trade Publications.

Real Help For Parents With Addicted ChildrenAre you enabling your Child to continue in the Addiction Process?by Bob T., Scott B., and Ken P.Technorati Profile      Addiction to drugs and alcohol among our children covers the entire social and economic spectrum in our society. Many ascribe addiction to poor parenting, however while poor parenting can contribute to the addiction problem, good parenting does not prevent it. Some families have one addicted child while their other children, living in the same environment, do not become addicts. So whether you are certain your son or daughter is not addicted, suspect they may be addicted or know that they are addicted, you may want to read more of this article. You will find help on recognizing addiction, learning what you may be doing to enable it and what you can do to help your son or daughter and to help yourself deal with it.Recognizing Addiction in Your Son or Daughter     Parents are often the last to recognize addiction in their children. Studies have shown that about 4% of parents of 9 to 11 year olds believe their child may have used drugs while about 25% of these children admit to doing so. There are several reasons for this. The children get very good at hiding alcohol and drug use from their parents while parents do not want to believe it to be possible. In addition, there is a judgmental attitude that drug and alcohol use is the result of poor parenting so parents deny the problem even in the face of strong evidence to the contrary. Here are some questions to help you determine if your son or daughter has the disease of addiction. 1.         Do you have relatives on either or both sides of your family who are addicted? Genetics plays a large role and sometimes the disease skips a generation or two. 2.         Have you found evidence of drug use in your home such as marijuana joints, empty liquor containers (either theirs or yours) or drug paraphernalia? Children will go to great lengths to hide alcohol and drug use from parents, so if they are leaving evidence this is an indication they have lost control of their use. 3.         Have you seen a major change in behavior such as grooming habits, loss of interest in family activities, studying habits, withdrawing, depression, new friends, belligerence, extreme defensiveness, etc.?4.         Has your son or daughter gotten a MIP or DUI, been charged with shoplifting or theft?5.         Do they tell you that they are not affected by drinking alcohol or can drink more than their peers? This usually is perceived as good thing by an addict but actually indicates they have developed a high tolerance because of excessive use.6.         Have you seen burns on their fingers or lips, needle marks, or sores on their nose and face?7.         Has your son or daughter lost weight or developed a poor appetite?8.         Do they have money problems and refuse to explain how it is being spent?     Hopefully these questions will help you decide whether there is a problem or not. If you believe there is, you must begin by understanding what is and is not enabling behavior and how to avoid it. Are You Enabling Your Child in the Addiction Process?     If you are like most parents, your initial response to addiction in a child is "We are going to fix this problem?"   The common initial thoughts of parents faced with an addicted child will include, I'm going to punish my child, or I'll lecture him about the problems with doing drugs or alcohol, or I'll ground him until he is 30!  However, these attitudes probably will do little to alleviate the problem. Instead they probably increase the desire in your child to abuse substances. This approach, among many others that keep the addiction process going, is called "Enabling Behavior." After attending Al Anon meetings for a while, it becomes easier to make the distinction between what is enabling behavior and what is helping behavior. You will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle you. So how do you reach out to this Al-Anon recovery process? Just check out the web site below or call the number of the World Service Office in Virginia to learn more and locate the time and location of a meeting near your homeCall 1-8884AL-ANON or access http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/Technorati Profile

by Ken P., co-author of the new book We Codependent Men-We Mute Coyotes, copyright 2011, Recovery Trade Publications

The Greatest Loss is Personal Freedom

By Ken P.

"So you we want to change the world," says the now old Beatles song.

The original revolutionaries were people like Thomas Paine, the radical ne'er do well who failed everything he tried in England, fled to The Colonies to find his fortune, and was swept up in the cause for liberty. Thomas Paine wrote what proved to be the precursor to the Declaration of Independence in a little pamphlet he called "Common Sense." He personally printed copies of this revolutionary idea that The Colonies should declare their independence from England on a hand-press, then sold 100,000 copies of it on the street, starting with his neighbors for customers! Don't scoff; if you project the 100,000 copies he sold upon today's population relative to the population of the colonies, Thomas Paine would have sold 20,000,000 copies through today's outlets like book stores and Amazon.com!

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How the Medical Profession Handles Alcoholism.

by Ken P., Bob T., and Scott B.

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Stuffing Is For Turkeys

 

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