Men Leave Treatment Because of Their Codependency!

     I am writing to propose some level of cooperation between professionals writing about and treating codependency and the professionals staffs of treatment centers in order to improve retention and ultimately long-term recovery for clients by providing some missing pieces for families whose lives are being ravaged by the co morbid diseases of addiction and codependency. Here is a quote taken directly from the back cover of our book written by Dr. Joseph Moons, C.P., Retreat Director, Holy Name Retreat Center , Houston, Texas;

“There is a need for this book for codependent men. In my association with the many men and women who attend 12-step retreats at Holy Name Passionist Retreat Center, the codependent men have the greatest fear and the least knowledge or understanding of their relationship with the addicted person in their life.  As the man in the family, they are supposed to have the answers and they don’t. This book begins to give some answers.”

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Stop Helping Them To Death!

     Nothing changes until something changes. If one member of the family changes, that changes the whole family dynamic. As a practicing codependent you can make the changes necessary to allow the other (s) in your family suffering from addiction. The way you do this is; allow them to suffer!

     Stop the little things first. Stop picking up after them. Stop preparing lunches in advance if you are doing that and they could be doing that for themselves. Stop “taking up the slack” every time the addict does not fulfill his or her obligations to the family. Yes, you will catch some flack, and yes you will have to experience the discomfort of not having those chores completed. Everybody will. But do not allow the flack to pull you back into the helping role.

     Next, openly ask the addict for help with larger issues, such as managing the family finances, doing the “running around” to places like the laundry, the grocery store, the post office, and the bank. In my case, I picked up eight bounced checks one weekend after working out of town all week that my now X-wife had written. I then told her that I was never going to do that again, AND I DIDN’T!  Yes, it was a hard week after I opened a new checking account the following Monday morning in only my name, but she learned that I had set a boundary, and no matter how much screaming, silent treatment, dirty looks, or jawing she gave me, I would never spend another Saturday picking up her bounced checks!

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WHO AND WHAT IS MYTHERAPYJOURNAL.COM ??? I would like to invite your patients and you to use MyTherapyJournal.com, the only therapy-oriented online journaling tool. You should consider this online service, as we continue to sign up new treatment centers who are providing this innovative service to their patients. I would like to share how the scientific proven benefits of journaling can be a great benefit to set you apart from other treatment centers, as well a provide an impactful tool to your patients/clients. PLEASE TAKE A TOUR AT: www.mytherapyjournal.com/take_a_tour 3 key benefits for patients: 1. My Journal Entries - Patients create their personal Journal and start writing daily feelings, thoughts, dreams and hopes in a customized and password-protected journal. 2. My Progress Questions and Progress Graph - Patients visualize their progress with a user-friendly, personalized graph and start tracking their journey. Patients select from pre-set progress questions relating to distinctive categories or simply create their own in collaboration with the therapist in less than 5 minutes. 3. Affordable and secure online service based on the principles of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is revolutionizing therapy via the online medium. Awards to date: To date, MyTherapyJournal has won several entrepreneurial competitions and articles have been published in Forbes, Daily Business Review, Psychology Today, CNN, Miami Herald, and more. Additionally, the American Psychological Association (APA) gave permission for MyTherapyJournal to launch at their prestigious annual conference back in 2007. Members to date: Today, MyTherapyJournal counts over 2,500 members including therapists, clinics, treatment centers, soldiers, health organizations, and individuals seeking self-help. To name a few clients, MyTherapyJournal is the exclusive provider of online journaling for the Williamsville Wellness Center, non-gambler.com, among others. 3 distinctive ways to buy memberships: 1) Treatment Centers: You can provide the patient/client with a membership upon arrival. Upon completion of program patient/client has the option to extend membership at their own expense. Clinicians have been using this tool for keeping track of matters related to their sessions with patients as well. 2) Individual Membership purchased by Therapist for Patient/Client: You can buy individual memberships for patients/clients. You can offer this service as part of your consultancy fees and treatment costs. This option allows you to create a username and password for your patient/client and thus have full access. It also allows you to be able to use our tool during sessions from your own office. For some lower functioning clients or for people of lesser means, this would ensure that the value of our services would ensue. 3) Individual Membership purchased by Patient/Client: You can recommend to a patient/client to buy an individual membership on their own at standard membership pricing starting as low as $7.95 per month - At this point, a patient/client has the option to provide you with full access to their information or not. The patient/client can grant you full access by simply sharing his or her username and password with you, at which point you will be able to view and change anything you want (e.g. create a new category for the patient/client to track). Why Journal? The Science of Journaling Over the last 20 years, the journal has been empirically shown to make therapy more effective and to diminish symptoms of depression, anxiety, panic, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress, and many other disorders, even for those who aren't seeing a mental health practitioner. Likewise, its demonstrated benefits include better physical health (i.e. blood pressure, immune functioning) and an overall improved mood. Why is My Therapy Journal .com the #1 Source for Online Journaling? MTJ is the first-ever, therapy-oriented online journaling tool. It provides the most private and secure venue available for both individuals and organizations who wish to not only journal, but also track progress of personally set goals using graphing software based on cognitive behavioral therapy. It presents you a journal that talks back and promises to aid anyone desiring to grow. What Are The Benefits of Journaling?: Journaling has been scientifically proven to provide a host of health benefits including: decreasing the symptoms of asthma, arthritis, and other health conditions; improving cognitive functioning; strengthening the immune system, preventing a host of illnesses; counteracting many of the negative effects of stress. Furthermore, anyone who journals will tell you that it "just feels good." I'll bet you write (or word process) daily. Journaling (or keeping letters or diaries) is an ancient tradition, one that dates back to at least 10th century Japan. Successful people throughout history have kept journals. Presidents have maintained them for posterity; other famous figures for their own purposes. Oscar Wilde, 19th century playwright, said: "I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train." Who is Using Our Online Journaling and Progress Graph Tool? MTJ Is For... HEALTH PROVIDERS: Treatment Centers = Some of these include university and college psychological centers of both large and small institutions. Centers dedicated to specific populations such as people with HIV+ and AIDS, people with disabilities, LGTBQ individuals, survivors of trauma or abuse, and/or members of AA, NA, Al-Anon, Alateen, etc. Hospitals and Health Clinics = Some of these include clinics for people recovering from an addiction such as heroine, alcohol, gambling, sex, or even overspending. Hospital departments dealing with everything from trauma, chronic illness, and chronic pain to treatment adherence, post-operation recovery, and grief due to loss of a loved one. Insurance Organizations = Insurance companies utilize our tool as part of health packages. These sometimes accompany treatment with mental health or medical professionals, and sometimes they don't. It also helps clients keep track of how effective different treatments have been over a long period of time. Mental Health Providers = Both the journaling and progress tracking components of MTJ are invaluable tools for mental health providers. It not only allows for the provider to have observable results of the treatment at hand, but it also allows the treatment to remain ongoing through the week, even in the provider's absence. Psychodynamically-oriented therapists use MTJ for the journaling component of it whereas CBT-oriented therapists use it for the progress tracking graph. Psychiatrists use it to help clients track symptoms and how certain medications might be affection these. Life coaches appear to utilize both the journaling and graphing components with their clients. Family and couple therapists also do this, and find themselves tailoring the graphing questions so that all members in the family track the same behavior and/or emotion simultaneously. Military = The number of American and Canadian troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan is enormous, and the population of them with PTSD is as well. Both the journaling's ability to allow for clients to create chronological narratives of their experience and the emotions associated with them, and the progress graph's ability to have them observe themselves objectively, prove to be invaluable components of treatment and re-adjustment into civilian life. Health Research Institutions = Pharmaceutical companies aiming at having their medications tested by human participants use MTJ as a simple, and cost-effective way of tracking the results of their medication on any target symptom or population. Data is collected by each participant's self-report and is delivered already graphed and mapped out chronologically. Participants also use the other benefits of MTJ and feel empowered by their ability to track their own reactions to the new medication. INDIVIDUALS: One group of people who are using MTJ are individuals who simply love journaling and having their journals communicate with them. Adolescents, college students, stay-home parents, young professionals, insightful adults, and techno-savvy grandparents. Basically, anyone who is self-curious, who feels relief in expressing themselves through writing, and/or who enjoys seeing concrete evidence of their progress via our Progress Graph. Another group of people are those undergoing painful, confusing, difficult, and/or daunting times in their lives. It also for people living with the reality of having emotional, physical, mental, and/or cognitive difficulties. This is everyone who suffers from depression, anxiety, panic, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress, obsessive-compulsions, mania, panic, and/or who has symptoms of any mental disorder. Some of these individuals are receiving some service from a mental health provider, and some are not. For some people, MTJ compliments their work with a professional, and for others, seeking professional help is something they are not at all interested in. Finally, another group of individuals are those who fall in both the above groups, in some way or another. We believe most of our clients are in this third group. Life is usually ever-changing, and our states of being are too. Anyone who is uncomfortable with the idea that a written journal might be ever found by their parents, siblings, housemates, roommates, boyfriend/girlfriend, colleges or strangers. About the Team: Alexis Saccoman - Chief Psychology Consultant and Co-founder A graduate of Brown University, Alexis is a clinical psychology trainee pursuing a doctorate in clinical psychology (Psy.D.) at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco. Alexis has a Masters degree in clinical psychology and holds a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through his professional and volunteer activities, he has clinical and hospital experience working with groups including adolescents and geriatric inpatients, children with pervasive developmental disorders, HIV+ terminal patients, first-year college students, and families. He has also served as a trilingual medical interpreter and court mediator. He is currently in practicum with a caseload of ten clients (ages 18-50) - all endorsing Axis I diagnoses - of diverse ethnic, S.E.S., and LGTB backgrounds. With his dual passion for psychology and facilitating people's potential for growth, he especially enjoys his role as a mentor to younger generations. Rodolfo Saccoman - CEO and Co-founder A graduate of the Cornell University School of Hotel Administration, with an MBA degree from University of Miami. Rodolfo has dedicated his career at understanding people's dreams and developing proven online presences to embrace user's needs and wants. Like his brother Alexis, he has lived in five countries and developed a keen appreciation and respect for different cultures and human kind's search for peace and compassion. Both brothers recognize the importance and potential of communication in helping people attain their goals and live happier lives. Noel Elman - Chief Scientist and Co-founder Currently pursuing post-doctoral studies at MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology), Noel earned a Bachelor of Science and Master's of Science in electrical engineering at Cornell University and has a Ph.D. from Tel Aviv University. His research focuses on the development of implantable Bio-MOEMS (Biological and Micro-Opto-Electro-Mechanical-Systems) devices for drug-delivery systems and cancer monitoring. A scientist, he is also a fervent believer in exploring your inner-self to achieve well-being. I CAN OFFER YOU SPECIALS BESIDES WHAT IS ON THE WEBSITE! ASK ME HOW!?! For any and all questions please contact me at: Tim Nicola Sales Manager MyTherapyJournal.com Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Direct: 561-860-3073

 

Shame. 

                                                         By Scott B.

   Shame was used as weapon in my childhood. My mother and father both used shame to control or attempt to control behavior of my brothers and me. I never understood how shame affected my relationships until I began recovery. Persistent feelings of inadequacy lingered in my thoughts regarding anything I did. I resented feeling inadequate and would drive myself to seek competency in many areas, many which would later prove to be fruitless in my quest for a peaceful existence. Feelings of inadequacy, I would learn are a direct result of shame based control.

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The Greatest Loss is Personal Freedom

By Ken P.

"So you we want to change the world," says the now old Beatles song.

The original revolutionaries were people like Thomas Paine, the radical ne'er do well who failed everything he tried in England, fled to The Colonies to find his fortune, and was swept up in the cause for liberty. Thomas Paine wrote what proved to be the precursor to the Declaration of Independence in a little pamphlet he called "Common Sense." He personally printed copies of this revolutionary idea that The Colonies should declare their independence from England on a hand-press, then sold 100,000 copies of it on the street, starting with his neighbors for customers! Don't scoff; if you project the 100,000 copies he sold upon today's population relative to the population of the colonies, Thomas Paine would have sold 20,000,000 copies through today's outlets like book stores and Amazon.com!

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How the Medical Profession Handles Alcoholism.

by Ken P., Bob T., and Scott B.

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Stuffing Is For Turkeys

 

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Delerium Tremens

This is what I witnessed.

   The scene is a frenetic one in an inner-city hospital ER. It is a Saturday night and I am one of three hospital reps from my pharmaceutical company participating in a training program. We have been strapped to a third-year internal medicine resident for a week now, day and night, and it is his weekend to work the ER.

   He gently guides a prostitute by her left arm towards me, hands me her big black purse, and says "...take her into that office, go through her purse, find her pills, and look them up in that PDR on the shelf behind the desk. We have to find out what she has taken before we can do anything." In less than a second he is gone and she is standing there staring at me, pupils like big black pools of water.

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Cirrhosis...The Final Days.

 

   In our last post we described the battle being fought by the liver for survival in the face of continuous heavy drinking by an individual. After using up the limited supply of enzyme to break down alcohol, the liver resorts to tucking the alcohol into little Baggies called vacuoles within itself in a delaying action. Unfortunately, with continued drinking, even when the liver "catches up" and breaks down the stored alcohol, zipping up the Baggie leaves a tiny line of scar tissue. After years of creating and zipping up these Baggies the liver is rendered a shriveled knot of pale scar tissue which cannot function, even if it could receive blood. However, as we shall see here, the blood supply issue becomes the final battle. When the liver loses that battle for life, so does the individual.

   A healthy liver is like a healthy city. In a healthy city, traffic moves into and out of the city. It flows smoothly and rapidly. Imagine this liver-city with two major freeways entering from above and below. The one from the intestines with its blood loaded with nutrients brings in all the raw materials the liver uses in its various manufacturing plant to create just about everything the rest of the body needs to survive: the blood itself, complex proteins to build and repair cells, and, most important to this story, what physicians term "clotting factors." Clotting factors are a complicated range of cells and organic chemicals that basically plug up any holes that appear in the body.

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All of us know about the lawsuit happy public. Suppose you are a police officer, and you are making the decision to arrest or not to arrest a clearly drunk woman you have just stopped. You might imagine the confrontation between yourself  and this "sweet young thing" sitting in court with a capable DUI attorney. The attorney is droning on in front of the jury with something canned like this; 

..."studies show that her lung volume is smaller than that of a man, and the breathalyzer machines in use today don't even take this factor into account...why the machine's results are as unreliable as the chauvinist attitude of the officer!"

 

Maybe this is why 85 out of 100 arrests for DUI are against men. There are lots of reasons, but the final devastating effect of our system is to compromise an important safety net designed to protect us all from alcoholism. If the suspect looks and smells good like our wives, moms, and daughters, then she really has to work hard to get a police officer to put the cuffs on her in the first place!

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