Our Guest Bloger today is Kelly Miller. Kelly's specialty as a counselor is helping parents who are having to deal with teenage alcohol and drug abuse.

RELAPSE AMONG TEENAGERS

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Men Leave Treatment Because of Their Codependency!

     I am writing to propose some level of cooperation between professionals writing about and treating codependency and the professionals staffs of treatment centers in order to improve retention and ultimately long-term recovery for clients by providing some missing pieces for families whose lives are being ravaged by the co morbid diseases of addiction and codependency. Here is a quote taken directly from the back cover of our book written by Dr. Joseph Moons, C.P., Retreat Director, Holy Name Retreat Center , Houston, Texas;

“There is a need for this book for codependent men. In my association with the many men and women who attend 12-step retreats at Holy Name Passionist Retreat Center, the codependent men have the greatest fear and the least knowledge or understanding of their relationship with the addicted person in their life.  As the man in the family, they are supposed to have the answers and they don’t. This book begins to give some answers.”

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Overview of methamphetamine

Methamphetamine is more commonly known as referred to as crystal, crystal meth, ice, or just meth. It is classified as a psychostimulant drug of the psychoactive amphetamine and phenethylamine class of substances. It is characterized by an increase in alertness, concentration, and energy. In higher doses, it can enhance the person’s self esteem, increase libido, and induce a euphoric state of consciousness. Meth exhibits a high potential for abuse and dependency.

Recognizing the effects of meth abuse

Long-term effects – meth displays a very high potential for addiction. Chronic abuse and dependency over a long period of time can lead to amphetamine psychosis, anxiety disorder and panic attacks, depression, heart disease, and violent behavior. A psychosis that resembles schizophrenia can develop after stopping meth use and can last up to 6 months or longer.

Physical effects – includes acne, anorexia, arrhythmias, blurred vision, dilated pupils, dizziness, dry and/or itchy skin, dry mouth, headaches, hypertension or hypotension, insomnia, numbness, tremors, and twitching. Chronic abuse and high doses can lead to convulsions, heart attack, strokes, and eventually death.

Psychological effects – there are numerous psychological effects including alertness, aggressiveness, anxiety and panic attacks, concentration, delusions of grandeur, excessive feelings of power and being invincible, hallucinations, increased energy, increased self-confidence and self esteem, increased sociability, irritability, obsessive and repetitive behavior patterns, and paranoia. Additionally, amphetamine psychosis oftentimes occurs with chronic abuse and increasingly high doses.

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Stop Helping Them To Death!

     Nothing changes until something changes. If one member of the family changes, that changes the whole family dynamic. As a practicing codependent you can make the changes necessary to allow the other (s) in your family suffering from addiction. The way you do this is; allow them to suffer!

     Stop the little things first. Stop picking up after them. Stop preparing lunches in advance if you are doing that and they could be doing that for themselves. Stop “taking up the slack” every time the addict does not fulfill his or her obligations to the family. Yes, you will catch some flack, and yes you will have to experience the discomfort of not having those chores completed. Everybody will. But do not allow the flack to pull you back into the helping role.

     Next, openly ask the addict for help with larger issues, such as managing the family finances, doing the “running around” to places like the laundry, the grocery store, the post office, and the bank. In my case, I picked up eight bounced checks one weekend after working out of town all week that my now X-wife had written. I then told her that I was never going to do that again, AND I DIDN’T!  Yes, it was a hard week after I opened a new checking account the following Monday morning in only my name, but she learned that I had set a boundary, and no matter how much screaming, silent treatment, dirty looks, or jawing she gave me, I would never spend another Saturday picking up her bounced checks!

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I had a great opportunity to go tour and observe Life-Line's recovery center. I got to meet with many of the staff and even the director of admissions. I got to see first hand what it is Life-Line does and what they stand for. I will write what I have observed from my visit. I really like what Life-Line stands for so I will use most of this first page to tell about Life-Line itself and what they do differently! I was not paid to write this review I wrote it in hopes to help struggling parents find help for their kids!

Let me first explain a little about Life-Line. They are a recovery center to help teens who have fallen into bad habits such as substance abuse, sexual abuse, pornography addiction, suicidal tendencies, grief and loss, and many more. They follow a simple yet powerful slogan, “When Good Kids Make Bad Choices.” Their program includes eight core principles, based on evidence based research, which are:

• Family - family is involved in the child's recovery every step of the way

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Nobody escapes paying the price for alcoholism, drug addiction, and codependency in society. Even if you are fortunate enough not to be a drinker at a level that is diseased (about 10% of our population drinks enough to hamper their daily performance) or one of the four adults who are in line daily enabling one who is (i.e., 48% of all adults over the age of 18 were either directly impacted by a diseased drinker as they grew up, or are being effected at the moment), then you are paying for the disease through higher taxes and insurance rates.

   The cost in dollars of alcoholism is almost incalculable. We have all read so many horror stories about deaths on the highway, fetal alcohol syndrome, the 88% of the incarcerated citizens who are there because they did something while under the influence, etc. that we have become numbed.

   But let's focus here on the costs to the trust and integrity within a society...something some believe is more important than even money.  Psychologists can actually measure trust within a society. Dr. Daniel Goleman, in his great books on emotional intelligence tells us that the technical term for the overall trust level in a society is its social capital.  Social capital is the sum of the goodwill and trust among the members of a society. Social capital takes in ethical values, charitable contributions, volunteerism, and such intangibles as looking out for the welfare of your neighbors, or caring for a sick friend. Interestingly enough, the three countries that have been the most successful economically on the earth (The U.S.A., Germany, and Japan) also have the highest levels of social capital.

   What is the impact of addiction on social capital? To people who attend 12-step programs such as AA, Al-Anon, Al-Atten, Nar-A-Non, or Adult Children of Alcoholics, personal honesty takes in a wide range of meaning. First, there is what everybody else calls honesty. In program parlance that is "cash register honesty." However, the sort of personal honesty involved in taking all twelve steps, or making direct amends to someone you have harmed in the past, goes well beyond what the "man on the street" calls honesty.

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As part of my continuing education as a pharmaceutical salesman covering the hospitals in a major medical center, my company had arranged for a kind of preceptor ship at a teaching hospital in downtown Chicago. I was to "shadow" a third year internal medicine resident for two solid weeks. We had three reps assigned to each resident, and that little group of four worked

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For various reasons, the members of addicted families suffer constant upheaval from frequent relocations. Moving may be related to other obvious symptoms of family instability: bankruptcy, divorce, frequent hospitalization, incarceration, deaths in the family, etc.

   But there may be other reasons. The hero-child dad is more likely than most dads to sacrifice family stability

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