Love At Any Price

A Song for Codependent Wives of Alcoholics and Addicts

Copyright 1991, Ken Powers 

 

   I attended an Al-Anon meeting one night led by a woman with a great "program." This lady led on the topic of setting boundaries. She struggled and struggled during her "lead" to describe how she felt when interacting with her husband.

   That night I ruminated about her words. I finally wrote the song below in an attempt to express her thoughts and feelings through my music. It turned out to be a sort of sassy female vocal. The opening line always gets a huge laugh when quoted at meetings.

   Hope you enjoy this.

 

 

Love At Any Price

                                             Copyright 1992 by Ken P.

 

I wake up ev-ry morning

Over and over a-gain

Roll over and take a look at you,

'T find out what mood I'm in!

 

Wjy do I put up with you,

You don't ev-en treat me nice;

I'm buyin' loooove,

At an-y price!

 

Do I love you?

Is that the question?

Do I need you,

In my sick way?

 

Do I want you,

That's more the question,

But the bot-tom line,

Is do I stay?

 

(spoken..."like a brok-en record, over and over and over and over and over and over again).

 

Why do I put up with you?

You don't ev-en hold me nights.

I'm buyin' looooove,

At a-ny price.

 

Looooooove,

At too high a price.

 

Your lov'es too high

For meeeeeeeeeeeee.

At an-y price!

 

(spoken...I wake up in the mornin', over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, and...)

Comment (0)

 

I'm Losing Me For You

A Song for Codependent Men

 

This song for codependent men explores the thoughts experienced by every man I ever met, codependent or not, about what it feels like to give yourself away entirely for the love of a woman. 

That is on one level. For every man who has ever given himself away to a woman...who has long ago given herself over to alcohol, there is another level of abandonment altogether. That is the level every codependent man knows, and has to overcome before he can ever regain himself.

See the last two words of this song for the answer.

 

                                                        I'm Losing me For You

                                                        Copyright 1992 by Ken P.

Comment (0)

WHO AND WHAT IS MYTHERAPYJOURNAL.COM ??? I would like to invite your patients and you to use MyTherapyJournal.com, the only therapy-oriented online journaling tool. You should consider this online service, as we continue to sign up new treatment centers who are providing this innovative service to their patients. I would like to share how the scientific proven benefits of journaling can be a great benefit to set you apart from other treatment centers, as well a provide an impactful tool to your patients/clients. PLEASE TAKE A TOUR AT: www.mytherapyjournal.com/take_a_tour 3 key benefits for patients: 1. My Journal Entries - Patients create their personal Journal and start writing daily feelings, thoughts, dreams and hopes in a customized and password-protected journal. 2. My Progress Questions and Progress Graph - Patients visualize their progress with a user-friendly, personalized graph and start tracking their journey. Patients select from pre-set progress questions relating to distinctive categories or simply create their own in collaboration with the therapist in less than 5 minutes. 3. Affordable and secure online service based on the principles of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is revolutionizing therapy via the online medium. Awards to date: To date, MyTherapyJournal has won several entrepreneurial competitions and articles have been published in Forbes, Daily Business Review, Psychology Today, CNN, Miami Herald, and more. Additionally, the American Psychological Association (APA) gave permission for MyTherapyJournal to launch at their prestigious annual conference back in 2007. Members to date: Today, MyTherapyJournal counts over 2,500 members including therapists, clinics, treatment centers, soldiers, health organizations, and individuals seeking self-help. To name a few clients, MyTherapyJournal is the exclusive provider of online journaling for the Williamsville Wellness Center, non-gambler.com, among others. 3 distinctive ways to buy memberships: 1) Treatment Centers: You can provide the patient/client with a membership upon arrival. Upon completion of program patient/client has the option to extend membership at their own expense. Clinicians have been using this tool for keeping track of matters related to their sessions with patients as well. 2) Individual Membership purchased by Therapist for Patient/Client: You can buy individual memberships for patients/clients. You can offer this service as part of your consultancy fees and treatment costs. This option allows you to create a username and password for your patient/client and thus have full access. It also allows you to be able to use our tool during sessions from your own office. For some lower functioning clients or for people of lesser means, this would ensure that the value of our services would ensue. 3) Individual Membership purchased by Patient/Client: You can recommend to a patient/client to buy an individual membership on their own at standard membership pricing starting as low as $7.95 per month - At this point, a patient/client has the option to provide you with full access to their information or not. The patient/client can grant you full access by simply sharing his or her username and password with you, at which point you will be able to view and change anything you want (e.g. create a new category for the patient/client to track). Why Journal? The Science of Journaling Over the last 20 years, the journal has been empirically shown to make therapy more effective and to diminish symptoms of depression, anxiety, panic, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress, and many other disorders, even for those who aren't seeing a mental health practitioner. Likewise, its demonstrated benefits include better physical health (i.e. blood pressure, immune functioning) and an overall improved mood. Why is My Therapy Journal .com the #1 Source for Online Journaling? MTJ is the first-ever, therapy-oriented online journaling tool. It provides the most private and secure venue available for both individuals and organizations who wish to not only journal, but also track progress of personally set goals using graphing software based on cognitive behavioral therapy. It presents you a journal that talks back and promises to aid anyone desiring to grow. What Are The Benefits of Journaling?: Journaling has been scientifically proven to provide a host of health benefits including: decreasing the symptoms of asthma, arthritis, and other health conditions; improving cognitive functioning; strengthening the immune system, preventing a host of illnesses; counteracting many of the negative effects of stress. Furthermore, anyone who journals will tell you that it "just feels good." I'll bet you write (or word process) daily. Journaling (or keeping letters or diaries) is an ancient tradition, one that dates back to at least 10th century Japan. Successful people throughout history have kept journals. Presidents have maintained them for posterity; other famous figures for their own purposes. Oscar Wilde, 19th century playwright, said: "I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train." Who is Using Our Online Journaling and Progress Graph Tool? MTJ Is For... HEALTH PROVIDERS: Treatment Centers = Some of these include university and college psychological centers of both large and small institutions. Centers dedicated to specific populations such as people with HIV+ and AIDS, people with disabilities, LGTBQ individuals, survivors of trauma or abuse, and/or members of AA, NA, Al-Anon, Alateen, etc. Hospitals and Health Clinics = Some of these include clinics for people recovering from an addiction such as heroine, alcohol, gambling, sex, or even overspending. Hospital departments dealing with everything from trauma, chronic illness, and chronic pain to treatment adherence, post-operation recovery, and grief due to loss of a loved one. Insurance Organizations = Insurance companies utilize our tool as part of health packages. These sometimes accompany treatment with mental health or medical professionals, and sometimes they don't. It also helps clients keep track of how effective different treatments have been over a long period of time. Mental Health Providers = Both the journaling and progress tracking components of MTJ are invaluable tools for mental health providers. It not only allows for the provider to have observable results of the treatment at hand, but it also allows the treatment to remain ongoing through the week, even in the provider's absence. Psychodynamically-oriented therapists use MTJ for the journaling component of it whereas CBT-oriented therapists use it for the progress tracking graph. Psychiatrists use it to help clients track symptoms and how certain medications might be affection these. Life coaches appear to utilize both the journaling and graphing components with their clients. Family and couple therapists also do this, and find themselves tailoring the graphing questions so that all members in the family track the same behavior and/or emotion simultaneously. Military = The number of American and Canadian troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan is enormous, and the population of them with PTSD is as well. Both the journaling's ability to allow for clients to create chronological narratives of their experience and the emotions associated with them, and the progress graph's ability to have them observe themselves objectively, prove to be invaluable components of treatment and re-adjustment into civilian life. Health Research Institutions = Pharmaceutical companies aiming at having their medications tested by human participants use MTJ as a simple, and cost-effective way of tracking the results of their medication on any target symptom or population. Data is collected by each participant's self-report and is delivered already graphed and mapped out chronologically. Participants also use the other benefits of MTJ and feel empowered by their ability to track their own reactions to the new medication. INDIVIDUALS: One group of people who are using MTJ are individuals who simply love journaling and having their journals communicate with them. Adolescents, college students, stay-home parents, young professionals, insightful adults, and techno-savvy grandparents. Basically, anyone who is self-curious, who feels relief in expressing themselves through writing, and/or who enjoys seeing concrete evidence of their progress via our Progress Graph. Another group of people are those undergoing painful, confusing, difficult, and/or daunting times in their lives. It also for people living with the reality of having emotional, physical, mental, and/or cognitive difficulties. This is everyone who suffers from depression, anxiety, panic, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress, obsessive-compulsions, mania, panic, and/or who has symptoms of any mental disorder. Some of these individuals are receiving some service from a mental health provider, and some are not. For some people, MTJ compliments their work with a professional, and for others, seeking professional help is something they are not at all interested in. Finally, another group of individuals are those who fall in both the above groups, in some way or another. We believe most of our clients are in this third group. Life is usually ever-changing, and our states of being are too. Anyone who is uncomfortable with the idea that a written journal might be ever found by their parents, siblings, housemates, roommates, boyfriend/girlfriend, colleges or strangers. About the Team: Alexis Saccoman - Chief Psychology Consultant and Co-founder A graduate of Brown University, Alexis is a clinical psychology trainee pursuing a doctorate in clinical psychology (Psy.D.) at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco. Alexis has a Masters degree in clinical psychology and holds a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. Through his professional and volunteer activities, he has clinical and hospital experience working with groups including adolescents and geriatric inpatients, children with pervasive developmental disorders, HIV+ terminal patients, first-year college students, and families. He has also served as a trilingual medical interpreter and court mediator. He is currently in practicum with a caseload of ten clients (ages 18-50) - all endorsing Axis I diagnoses - of diverse ethnic, S.E.S., and LGTB backgrounds. With his dual passion for psychology and facilitating people's potential for growth, he especially enjoys his role as a mentor to younger generations. Rodolfo Saccoman - CEO and Co-founder A graduate of the Cornell University School of Hotel Administration, with an MBA degree from University of Miami. Rodolfo has dedicated his career at understanding people's dreams and developing proven online presences to embrace user's needs and wants. Like his brother Alexis, he has lived in five countries and developed a keen appreciation and respect for different cultures and human kind's search for peace and compassion. Both brothers recognize the importance and potential of communication in helping people attain their goals and live happier lives. Noel Elman - Chief Scientist and Co-founder Currently pursuing post-doctoral studies at MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology), Noel earned a Bachelor of Science and Master's of Science in electrical engineering at Cornell University and has a Ph.D. from Tel Aviv University. His research focuses on the development of implantable Bio-MOEMS (Biological and Micro-Opto-Electro-Mechanical-Systems) devices for drug-delivery systems and cancer monitoring. A scientist, he is also a fervent believer in exploring your inner-self to achieve well-being. I CAN OFFER YOU SPECIALS BESIDES WHAT IS ON THE WEBSITE! ASK ME HOW!?! For any and all questions please contact me at: Tim Nicola Sales Manager MyTherapyJournal.com Email: nicola@mytherapyjournal.com Direct: 561-860-3073

Comment (0)

Comment (0)

 

 

Heard at a meeting: 

When I first came to a meeting I was here to check you out. I had it all together. I was so far into denial that no matter how chaotic the situation was I would just re-fashion the truth to make it work for me!

Vinny

 

When the co-dependency and/or addiction begins at an early age, one huge price paid by the individual (and ultimately by the culture) is the slowing down or halting of his or her  maturity. Here is how this works.

   Addictive behaviors momentarily anesthetize us when we are faced with a painful situation or choice. The problem is, in the words of C.S Lewis, "...pain is God's megaphone." When we block out pain we block out God's favorite attention-getting device. Personal growth and maturity comes only as we face and overcome problems.

If there are no problems faced and overcome, there is no growth.

   My own growth was stunted this way, because my dysfunctional family members constantly modeled acceptable methods for avoiding change through the use of addictive substances and/or behaviors.

   It has been said that small people concern themselves mostly with things, the average person is concerned mostly with other people, and that occasionally there is a true giant of a person who is concerned mostly with ideas. Using this hierarchy, let's look at how I got "stuck" at lower levels.

   I first got caught in the "things "trap. The man who is mainly concerned with value in things collects all of the things he can fit onto his property, and sometimes he has to go out and rent storage space for even more! Motorcycles, stamps, mistresses, clothes, jet skis, or corporations are all fair game for the true lover of things. So are degrees and sales trophies and copyrights on recorded original songs. This man delights in showing anybody who will pay attention to him his latest new thing. He may even have a bumper-sticker that reads something like "...whoever dies with the most toys wins." Things can compensate for anything of higher importance...education, self-control, manliness, deeply meaningful relationships, even spirituality.

   We are all social characters, and for reasons that make a lot of sense in terms of survival as a species. In the contest between people and ideas, the next two levels of maturity, I now usually side with the people people. I guess I am hoping for a great turnout for my funeral, but the cynic might remind me that attendance will still more than likely depend on the weather. We people who concern ourselves with people realize that, at least in terms of our existence on this earth, our most valuable assets are the family and friends who love us. Some people run from burning homes with jewelry, but more people run with photo albums.

   This substitution of people for all higher growth is a favorite for people like me...co-dependents. We collect people, sometimes not so much as friends as for hostages. We are the master manipulators who keep careful score with everybody, and always try to stay so far ahead that everybody has to be nice to us...or else. We give too many gifts, send too many cards, mow the neighbor's lawns without being asked, and of course, we over-extend ourselves unmercifully for causes like The Church, Scouts, or saving the whales.

   If your maturity has been stunted at an early age by either addictive substances or behaviors, you might recognize yourself in one or more of these descriptions. Please, go for help. Find a 12-step program such as AA, Al-Anon, NA, or Nar-Anon near your home and start attending meetings. Allow these neighbors of you who have recognized the same characteristics in themselves to help you resume your growth into much more than you are today! 

You can locate an Al-Anon meeting at: 1-888-4Al-ANON or www.al-anon.alateen.org.

Comment (0)

        I am aware that these words will only reach a select few. I am writing to anybody who has reached their true "bottom" and given up on the whole life process. If you are like me, you were brought to this point by the impact of the two diseases of addiction and codependency. If you have just started reaching out for help through one of the 12-step programs, then continue reading. If you are just miserably despondent right now due to these diseases you might want to seriously consider asking for help. 

   When we 12-steppers begin to attend meetings we bring our bodies to some point in time and space where other people have gathered who are struggling with problems similar to our own. There is a great deal of hope for us as we walk through that meeting room door for the first time because when our body goes there our mind goes with it. In my case, when I stayed for a period of time with an open mind I was forced to accept the fact that there were people there whose problems were at least as great as mine, and that they were handling them with dignity.

   I learned eventually that it was impossible to hold two totally opposite beliefs in my mind at the same time. For example, I could not continue indulging in childish self pity while being grateful that my problems were not as great as those of another. In open discussions during meetings I heard others sharing squarely where they were emotionally, relationally, mentally, maybe even spiritually at that moment. Sometimes I heard somebody who was demonstrating the self pity right in front of me. Instead of passing judgment I saw suddenly how those words could just as easily have come right out of my mouth!

   That "A-HAAAA!" moment reduced me to the proper perspective. I had a moment of humility where I made a conscious decision to change my thinking. That was the moment when real change happened. In time, after practice, my new "attitude of gratitude" became such a deeply engrained part of my thinking that I became what I was thinking...grateful!

   Another scenario began to emerge. I started learning that I could change my behavior first and my change in thinking came sooner and easier. My old self assumed that I could think myself into right behavior, but my new more recovered self came to understand that I have to act myself into right thinking. When the thinking and the behavior matched, life became so much easier. I became a better example. My life became a more powerful and meaningful model to everybody around me. The new respect I enjoyed from myself and others came, not from my striving to impress, but from the fundamental shift in who I had become!

   If you have read this far, and if you want something better out of this life and are willing to go "...to any lengths" to get it, then please; take that scary but personally freeing step through the doors of a meeting such as AA, Al-Anon, Overeaters Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, or Nar-A-Non.  We are free, we are probably within a few miles of your front door, and our program works. If you try our program and it doesn't work for you, fine. Your misery is totally refundable, and we'll be here for you if you ever want to stop trying to do it on your own.

You can find an Al-Anon meeting near you at: 1-888-4ALANON or by checking out http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/.

 

 

Comment (0)

   One night while attending an open AA meeting , God spoke to me through an AA member with only a few months of sobriety. Mike, like me, had developed the habit of practicing his 10^th step at night just before going to sleep.

   (For reference, here is the 10th step; We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it).

   He would lay there and go through his day thinking through each incidence where he had been wrong and/or had harmed someone else. He would then acknowledge this to God and to himself, and promise first thing in the morning to make a 10^th step amends to the person wronged, which he did.

   Mike, newcomer or not, had gone one step further than I had with this step. Taking his cue from the word “inventory” in the step and remembering that his very healthy sponsor had insisted during his fourth step inventory that he include the positive aspects of his character as well as the negative, he made the leap from today’s unhealthy habit to tomorrow’s healthy one. He acknowledged to God and to himself each incident during the day when he had successfully aligned his will with that of God. He said that this daily habit kept his real spiritual purpose in front of his mind on a daily basis. The habit made him feel like he was a “co-creator” with God, with God providing the inspirational thought, and him carrying it out.

   Before falling asleep each night, Mike savored and cherished every small seemingly insignificant miracle where God had just “serendipitously” placed him in situations with other people where he was given the opportunity to do God’s will, and he had actually done it!

   I thought of a beautiful lecture I heard once by Brian Tracey, in which he developed the concept that it was impossible to develop integrity by yourself. The 10^th step inventory allows us to participate actively with others in our mutual growth. When I buck up and summon the nerve to approach another man and say something like “…hey, I’m glad I bumped into you here at Wal-Mart.” “Listen, I have to tell you that I am sorry about the other night when I took that cheap shot at you about your hairline.” “I got a laugh from the guys, but it was at your expense, and I’ve felt bad about it ever since.”

   That speaks volumes to the man to whom we are admitting we were wrong. That is like the knight who approaches the other knight in the center of the bridge and holds out his hand in friendship. That is saying, “…hey, I have no concealed weapon, and I trust you enough to leave myself open to you if you choose to take a cheap shot in return.” That also is the real stuff of intimacy. That allows both of you to admit that you have flaws, and that there exists enough trust between you to allow each to be vulnerable in front of the other. That also challenges each of you to change for the better. If you have disciplined yourself to practice the 10^th step, then you tend to think more carefully about your behavior because the embarrassment of making an amends is no fun!

    But what have you done to help him? You have taught him by way of example. You have grown before his very eyes, and you have demonstrated that growth. He has been given the opportunity to be magnanimous, to forgive. How often does that happen in each lifetime? To borrow another quote from Brian Tracey, “…the teaching is in the words but the learning is in the silence.” The man you have blessed with your amends will likely spend some silent time contemplating what happened in that Wal-Mart aisle!

Comment (0)

 

   My friend, Kit Johnson at Kansa Records, an- independent label in Nashville, asked me to write an old fashioned cowboy song. Her exact words were "...Ken, I want the saddest, loneliest cowboy song you can write...something that might have been sung by the Sons of the Pioneers." Some of you really old cowboys may remember this group as the harmonizing cowboys who originally launched a guy named Roy Rogers.

   I told my former neighbor, Joseph, about Kit's request. Joseph was a superb writer who had taught writing and literature at the college level.  He came over a few days later with this poem. I took Joe's words and concepts, sat down at the piano and fashioned a mournful melody to fit them. For the next few days Joe and I  bent his words and my melody so that they would idle together like a well-oiled '38 DeSoto. The result was this song.  Larry Beaird, my favorite demo producer, made the recording.

   The song is a kind of lamentation that tells the story of two times in a cowboy's life when he almost found love. Almost.

   Hope you enjoy our song. 

 

 

Out In The Cold.

                                                         Music, copyright 1989 by Ken P.

                                                               Lyrics, copyright 1989 by Joseph F.

 

Ice like knives, stab the prairie.

Winter storms blow grey and brown.

The air's so cold, Lord it's so cold,

Even birds stick to the ground!

 

I sit hun-kered in the saddle,

Long John wool and old sheep skin,

The on-ly mercy 'tween my hide

And the wind.

 

(Chorus)

 

Out In The Cold,

A big 'ol burrrrr on my soul.

I'm just a lonesome tired old cowboy,

Left Out In The Cold.

 

Women like a man that's lusty,

Showin' off at rodeo.

She'll hug his spir-it to her body,

And waltze him to and fro.

 

But a cow-boy ridin' range,

Cain't make a gal to change.

He's got a dance, and one slim chance,

Then off he goes.

 

(Repeat Chorus)

 

Out In The Cold,

A big 'ol burrr on my soul.

I'm just a lonesome tired old cowboy,

Left Out In The Cold.

 

He was ci-ty, I was coun-try.

He was steady, me a clown.

He got some pay come ev-ry Friday,

And me, odd jobs 'round town.

 

Now when a wo-man has to choose,

'tween lovin' and gold,

She'll take the gold and leave you

Out In The Cold.

 

(Repeat chorus)

 

If there's an an-gel for cowboys,

It's time for her to show,

And help this lonesome tired old cowboy,

Left Out In The Cold. 

 

 

Comment (0)

 

Country Style

                                               Copyright 1991 by Ken P.

 

It's not your boots, not your hat,

Not even your jeans, and all of that,

It's the ea-sy way you act,

Your Country Style.

 

It's not your gun, not your truck,

Not even the sloooow way you strut,

It's the tears when we broke up,

Your Country Style!

 

(spoken...like one night when)

 

A young buck got too much one night

And he tried to touch me...twice.

You didn't make a real big fuss,

Just told that young man...nice.

 

"I was once a a boy your age,

It's the whis-key makin' you roam."

Then 'ya hand-ed him a twenty dol-lar bill,

And sent him in a tax-i home!

 

(Sent 'm back to MaMa. 'stead-a breakin' his bones)

 

It's not your boots, not your hat,

Not even your Jeans, and all of that,

It's the ea-sy way you act,

Your Country Style!

 

It's not your show, not your dough,

It's how you looove, and let me go.

You don't tell what don't need told,

Your Country Style.

 

Your Country Style,

Your Country Style.

It's the ea-sy way you act,

Your Country Style.

 

Your Country Style,

Your Country Style.

That's what keeps me comin' back,

Your Country Style!

 

 

 

Comment (0)

 

It all starts with the first date. There are always expectations as a man and a woman First meet. This nice country duet explorers the expectations most common TO men and women when they meet in a honky tonk. 

 

How Ya Do.

                                            Copyright 1990 by Ken P.

 

(Verse I, Female Vocal)

 

I liked the way that we played,

On the to-wn all last night.

We moved so smoooooooth to-gether

As we danced.

 

First I was blue, LOW DOWN BLUE!

But your lines were soundin' true,

Liked how 'ya talked, but I won-der

How 'ya do?

 

(Chorus)

 

How 'Ya Do

Tells me more than all those words.

I've been a-round a while,

I'm no fool.

 

How 'Ya Do

There's the test, I need a man (not Peter Pan).

If all you're gonna do is play with me, then catch me

(If you can).

 

(Verse II, Male Vocal)

 

I lov-ed the way

That you swayed 'neath that tight skirt

All last night.

You still mooooove this mornin'

Past my mind.

 

Yes I was blue,

Just like you, but we were laughin' half past true

Liked how 'ya talked, but I won-der

How 'Ya Do.

 

(Chorus)

 

How 'Ya Do

Tells me more than all those words.

I've neen a-round a while,

I'm no fool.

 

How 'Ys Do,

There's the test, I need a gal (not a buddy or a pal)

If all ya wanna do is tease this man,  he's scootin,

(while he can).

 

(female vocal)

 

Don't want the kind, who'se re-fined,

I just want a man who stays,

Who may-be lends a hand

a-round the place

 

And then at night, loves me right.

'Neath the co-vers it takes two,

Liked how 'ya talk, but I

Won-der How 'Ya Do.

 

Ending...duet, male and female vocal repeat chorus in harmony

 

 

 

Comment (0)