The Gap Between the AA and the Al-Anon Programs

          Survey data about membership in 12-step programs is available only from Al-Anon, as none of the other world service offices gather such data. Recent figures show a disturbing trend. Cooperation, based on the percentage of Al-Anons who were referred to Al-Anon by members of AA, was at an all-time high in 1996 (38%), but in the short nine-year period ending in 2006 that figure had dropped to only 08%. Some guess that this is because people on both sides seem to be regarding meetings held “over there” as “in the enemy camp.”

          People, this needs to change. I remember with fondness how much the AA people helped me when I first entered recovery in 1976. Here I was, a rare male Al-Anon who was raising three sons who were 10, 13, and 16 while their alcoholic mother was out there on one of her adventures. There was so much love, compassion, and just plain time spent with me and my children during meetings and social events held all over town for “all program people.” I remember TJ, the wily old X-marine with over 20 years of sobriety who sort of “adopted” us. YJ spent hours (often during the wee hours of the night) listening patiently to me telling our tales of woe. I remember spaghetti dinners sponsored by AA clubs. I remember the time the AA’s sponsored a “roast for Ken” when I had ten years of program, and “Fred who lays carpet” stood up and said “…Ken has always been an inspiration to me. I saw Ken when he first came into Al-Anon. He was really a mess! I have always said to myself ‘if this guy can get it, I can too!’” That kind of left-handed compliment coming from a man with so much sobriety was beyond value for me. It still warms me inside to remember it. 

         Let me encourage you as a reader right here and now; if you have this disease in your family, it doesn’t matter who is swallowing the alcohol or who is enabling the one(s) who are. This is a family disease, and the program family has to work together to remain a strong part of recovery from it. If we do not, then we risk losing everything that Bill and Lois and the millions since them have done to build this world-wide fellowship!         

       If you relate to this writing, you might want to read a much greater discussion of codependency and addiction in the new book from which this writing was excerpted: We Codependent Men-We Mute Coyotes. It is available through this and many other web sites, as well as through all bookstores, Amazon.com, and eight separate electronic devices.

Ken P.