Plan the Event, NOT the Outcome.

What is most important is what you really WANT. If you do not know what your expectations are, then you are predisposing yourself to dissapointment and eventually resentment.

So often before recovery I found myself consumed by resentment about something said, done, or not done by another person. It was after the interaction with that other that I realized that I DID have expectations of another...I just had not consciously identified them.

OK. So if your expectations are based on what is arranged by God instead of what is arranged by another flawed human being, then you are on the track to remaining resentment free. But how do you keep that perspective? Here is a wonderful prayer given to us by the theologian Thomas Merton that helps me remain expectant for the absolute best and free of resentment;

"My Lord God, I have no idea of where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me, I cannot know for sure where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem lost in the shadow of death. I will not fear, because you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

If you suspect (or know) that you are being adversely impacted by the impaired life of someone near you with the disease of addiction, there are many excellent writings available. I joined with several others who were living the 12-step life over five years ago and wrote such a book. You can order it through this web site (or through the usual sources). Look for We Codependent Men-We Mute Coyotes.