my life was in a shambel then i found this rehab i now have over two years clean and my life could nt be better thanks you saved me

Tales of a Troubled Childhood

One afternoon I received a telephone call from an anxious young man in his mid-20s.  He wanted to see me for counseling regarding a relationship problem.  I asked him the typical scheduling question - "Tell me what might work for you in terms of availability?"  His response was "How about in an hour?"

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Addiction and Codependency are Contagious Diseases
                                                                                                               By Ken P.

Contagious; spread by direct or indirect contact.

Addiction and codependency have always been known to be closely related. In what has been called by some "the addiction dance," there are usually two dance partners...the user and the enabler.  Both are under the close control of the addictive agent. Depending on how far the addiction disease has progressed, the addict is more or less obviously "under the influence" (what a descriptive expression).

What is much less obvious is the control that the addictive substance has over the codependent. When I was in the full throws of my own codependency my emotions, my thoughts, and my behaviors were tightly controlled by the addicted family member with whom I was interacting at the moment. For example, I remember when my "qualifier" was my alcoholic ex-wife.  I would begin every morning by first checking with her to find out what mood I was in! 

So much for owning my own emotions.

If there was a decision to be made, I weighed my stance on the issue with what response she would have to my opinion. The basic game was peace at any price, so we had to have the same political opinions, the same interests, even the same philosophy of life.

So much for owning my own thoughts.

What about my behavior? Our internal life...our emotions and thoughts...these dictate our behaviors most of the time, so when I surrendered the above two key components of self I pretty well surrendered my behavior as well. But there were times when I would be caught in uncomfortable positions with my behavior.  I was by nature an outgoing man. I had to pay a heavy price for that characteristic. Here is why. Alcoholism slowly leads both the addict and the codependent into social isolation by various means. The depression brought about by years of swallowing the powerful depressant (ethyl alcohol) renders the alcoholic constantly in a foul and negative mood. As the codependent living hourly with that mood, I slowly began to adopt it myself.  Sarcasm, super-sensitivity, defensiveness...all of these adopted behaviors kept others at a distance from me. My outwardly social self was eventually replaced by a personality that I myself did not like. In truth, I didn't enjoy being around me any more than anybody else did! So much for owning my own behavior. So the addictive substance contolled both of us. After years of recovery, I have come to the conclusion that addiction is contagious. Sure, alcoholics stay around others who drink for the support that gives them with their mutual addiction. But there are others who are impacted by their disease: those of us who enable them.

Addiction is a contagious disease. It is spread by direct or indirect contact.

If you relate to this and want to reach out for help, please contact Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, CODA (Codependentc Anonymous) or some other 12-step support group for codependents. All of these groups have excellent web sites, so if you can use a search engine you can find help!

Ken P., one author of the new book We Codependent Men-We Mute Coyotes.